


Finding Joy

by waywardjoy (CNK80Q3demoneyes)



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression, Explicit Language, F/M, Firefighter AU, Firefighter!Jensen, Medical Jargon, Medical Procedures, Violence, suicidal idiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-19 18:08:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8220187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CNK80Q3demoneyes/pseuds/waywardjoy
Summary: For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it.  This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hold onto it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a multi-chapter, firefighter!Jensen RPF, AU. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here.
> 
> I finished this story months ago and will try to continue updating daily until it's all here.

“Are you sure Jay said he was going to propose today? With us there?” Joy asked as she power walked to try and keep up with her boyfriend as he dragged her through the crowded mall.

“Yes!” Jensen chuckled. “He said he couldn’t do it without his two best friends there.”

“So Chad’s coming too?” She stopped walking, honest confusion coloring her tone.

Jensen stops suddenly dropping a kiss to her forehead. “No silly, he meant us; you and me.”

“Awe, he’s so sweet!” she smiled in surprise. 

As they resumed their frantic pace up the stairs to the balcony of their favorite restaurant, over-looking the mall, they saw a tall figure waving in their direction. “Hey Jay!” Jensen called out waving back at his best friend.

“Hi guys!” Jared smiled, dimples popping out. “I am so glad you are here.”

“You ready for this?” Jensen asked as hugs were exchanged. 

“Yeah, I think so. Gen’s already inside waiting for us.” He let out a nervous chuckle and ran his hand through his hair. “I am so nervous.”

“You’ll be fine, man. Just…” Jensen started to console his friend, but was cut off when Joy suddenly let out a loud scream from behind him. He turned around just in time to see a hoodie clad figure yank on her purse and push her hard. It happened in slow motion and all noise fell away as he watched rooted in horror as she fell, screaming, arms flailing, down the two flights of stairs behind her. 

Jensen vaguely caught motion out of the corner of his eye as Jared tackled the hoodie wearing figure. That spurred him into action as fast as he could go, down the stairs. When he reached the bottom, he dropped to his knees next to the now silent lump that was his girlfriend. As a crowd started to gather he screamed, “Call 911!” Then he let his paramedic training kick in as he assessed the damaged body before him. 

She was unconscious, blood pouring from a wound near her temple, her right leg was bent at a very unnatural angle above the knee. He tore his over shirt off and used it to try to stop the bleeding, then checked for a pulse. It was there, if not weak. He let out a small sigh of relief, just as two uniformed police officers ran around the corner. 

Jensen looked up to see Officers Stephen Amell and Michael Rosenbaum approaching. Amell was speaking franticly into his radio, “It’s Joy! Drive faster Murray!”

Jensen’s heart sank. Kane and Murray were on their way in the ambulance. But before he could think much of their reaction to all of this, he heard Jared yelling.

“Get up here Rosy! I got the son-of-a-bitch!” The crowd parted as Rosenbaum ran through and up the stairs to Jared and the suspect.

Jensen lost time as he stared down at the blood still flowing under his shirt. “Stay with me baby. Just hold on.” He felt a strong hand on his shoulder, but couldn’t bring himself to look up into the sympathetic blue eyes of his cop friend. He only looked away when the sound of thundering footsteps and the screech of gurney wheels hit his ears. 

“Dear God.” He heard Chad Michael Murray mutter as the paramedics reached them, finally. 

“Where is he?!” Christian Kane growled from behind him. “Where is the bastard that did this to my sister? I am going to kill him!” Chris was immediately being restrained by Murray and Amell.

“Let the cops handle him! We need to help Joy. Your sister needs you man!” Chad was repeating in his ear until he finally felt the fight leave his partner. He slowly let go and approached the patient. That’s how he had to think of her, or he would be just as upset as Kane, and she needed them now. 

“What the fuck happened Jen?!” Kane growled as he started to assess the situation.

“He-he -he just pushed her. I- I don’t know. I couldn’t stop it.” Jensen’s voice broke at the end and he realized belatedly that he had tears streaming down his face. Chad’s hand quickly replaced his on her head wound.

“Let us take over now. We’ve got this.” Chad said gently.

Jensen tried to get out of the way, but found that his muscles just wouldn’t listen. He felt strong arms wrap around his shoulders and lift him up to his feet. The arms stayed firmly in place as they shuffled him to the side and out of the way. “Chris and Chad got this. Let them do their job.” Jared’s was voice low in his ear, arms never faltering. Jensen looked down briefly when he felt a small hand take his and squeeze lightly. Genevieve gave him a brief sympathetic smile, but continued to hold his hand as they watched horrified as their friend was carefully placed on the gurney.

“Come on Jen!” Kane growled as they started to roll the gurney away. Jensen noticed Kane’s hands shaking and tears in his eyes as he grabbed his medical kit and began to run towards the ambulance. He too was barely keeping it together.

They watched briefly as Rosenbaum shoved the suspect into the back of the squad car none too gently, before climbing into the ambulance and speeding off.

It had been a tense stand-off in the ER. Chad and a very stern Nurse Danneel Harris tried to keep Jensen out of the trauma room. Kane was too distraught himself to try to help. It had taken the same strong arms wrapped around him and depositing him in a waiting room chair for him to even realize that Jared and Genevieve had arrived right behind the ambulance. 

That had been over an hour and a half ago. Now, the five friends were seated in a waiting room in the surgical wing, waiting. Unable to contain his nervous energy, Jensen paced. Chad was sat in the corner quietly fielding calls. Jared and Gen were cuddled together, consoling one another on a couch across from Kane, who was angrily watching Jensen pace. 

“Your parents are on their way. Alan said they will be here as fast as they can.” Chad interrupted his pacing with a pat on the shoulder. He received a frantic nod as gratitude for calling them. Jensen quickly resumed his pacing.

Soon, Chris decided he had had enough. “Would you just sit the fuck down?” He roared at Jensen as he made his 5 millionth pass in front of him. Jensen stopped, startled. 

Jensen stiffly sat on the chair next to Chris, all eyes on him. “I-I’m sorry.” He stuttered out. “I-I just can’t. I can’t do this. I-I can’t lose her.” The flood gates burst at the end of his statement. Tears began to flow and big heart wrenching sobs poured from his trembling lips. Chris’s anger evaporated immediately at the sight. He flung his arm around Jensen’s shoulders to console him.

“Hey man, no. Don’t think like that. She’s strong. She’s going to be ok.” The words sounded hallow to his own ears, but he continued to babble reassuring words to try to calm his distraught friend.

Before too long, they were interrupted by a disheveled and tired looking Dr. Misha Collins entering the room. Jensen and Chris both stood quickly as Dr. Collins approached them. 

“She’s stable, for now.” He said skipping all social pleasantries, knowing neither man had the patience for that. “We had to surgically repair the right femur. The leg will be in traction for the next eight to twelve weeks. The head trauma she sustained was touchier. She has a severe subdural hematoma and has slipped into a coma.” He ignored the startled gasps around the room and continued. “Between the seizure she endured in the ambulance as well as the one she had in the OR, we are concerned with further permanent damage. We need to wait out the swelling. We are listing her in critical condition. She is being admitted to the ICU. The next 24 hours will be crucial. But, I am remaining cautiously optimistic.”

“Can-Can we see her?” Jensen asked hopefully, holding back a sob.

“Only family is allowed in ICU. So, Chris and Jensen you can both go in.” Misha decided immediately to make the exception as soon as he realized who his patient was. “But I must warn you, she’s on a ventilator to help ease some of the strain on her body.”

Jensen visibly paled at that. He nodded in acceptance of the explanation and looked to Chris, who still had yet to say anything. Chris gave a stern nod and motioned for Jensen to follow the doctor. 

“Go. We’ll stay and wait for your parents.” Jared said when Jensen looked to him before stepping out of the door behind Dr. Collins.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here.
> 
> Flashbacks are italicized.

The short distance to the ICU felt like miles, and yet wasn’t nearly long enough to prepare them for the sight before them. Joy lay motionless apart from the ventilator forcing her lungs to work. The lights had been lowered, but the purple bruising of her face was still easily visible against her pale skin. Her head was wrapped in gauze with wires sticking out and leading to a machine recording her brain waves. Her auburn hair all but invisible under the thick bandages. Her leg, in a monstrosity of a cage, was being suspended by another contraption. Numerous cables and tubes were attached to various parts of her connecting to machines about the head of her bed. She looked so tiny amongst all of it.

Jensen’s breath stuttered. “You can stay as long as you’d like.” Dr. Collins told them. “I will be back to check on her in a few hours. Just buzz the nurses if you need anything.” He quietly slipped from the room not waiting for a response.

They each took a chair on either side of the bed. The only sound in the room was the whoosh of the ventilator and the beep of the heart monitor. And occasionally Jensen’s stuttered breathing. No words were exchanged as they both got lost in their own thoughts.

  
*Chris*

 

_A hooded figure jumped out of the dumpster, clutching a Styrofoam container to their chest like it was buried treasure. He stood in silence as he watched them take off down the alley. He stepped forward in curious fascination as the small body quickly rounded the corner out of sight. He shrugged it off quickly, placing his bags in the dumpster and headed back inside Caffeinated to finish closing up shop. He didn’t think of it again, until the next night, when it happened again._

_By the fourth night he decided to put the end of the day pastries in the top of the dumpster a half hour early. Then he hid in the door way of the coffee house and waited._

_When the tiny figure reemerged from the dumpster triumphant in their findings, Chris emerged._

_“Hey kid!” He tried to keep his tone nonthreatening, but the figure froze anyway. He could see a slight tremble shake the small frame._

_“I am not going to hurt you. I just want to talk.”_

_“It’s not stealing if it’s in the trash.” The small voice tried defiantly._

_“I know. Besides, I put those there for you on purpose.”_

_The kid slowly turned around, hood falling off to reveal long auburn hair. Chris gasped when he realized it was a very young little girl. “I-I made this for you too.” He held up another container and a drink, towards her. “I made you some dinner. Thought you could use a hot meal. “_

_Bright blue eyes stared at him dubiously. “I’m good.”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous. I didn’t poison it or anything. See?” He set the drink down and opened the container. Releasing the most wonderful aroma of warm cheese, eggs, and sausage. Her stomach growled audibly in response. He picked up half of the sandwich and took a small bite. “See? It’s safe. Come on.” He replace the sandwich into the container and held it out again. When she didn’t move, he placed it on the ground and backed away. “It’s all yours.” Then he ducked back into the coffee shop. He peered out of a crack in the door to see the girl glance around quickly, grab the food and run away. He’d try again tomorrow._

_The next night was surprisingly colder. He decided to pack the girl some soup as well as another sandwich and hot drink. Twenty minutes after closing, he donned his jacket and waited on the back stoop. This time when he offered her food she cautiously sat beside him on the step and graciously took the food. She wrapped her freezing hands around the soup container and breathed in the warmth before slowly sipping it._

_Chris’ heart broke at the site. She was so young, couldn’t be more than 11 or 12. He decided right then that he would find a way to help her. He decided to start small. Before she could protest he quickly divested himself of his jacket and put it around her frail shaking shoulders._

_She started in surprise but quickly recovered and sank into the warmth. “Thank you.” Her voice quiet but full of gratitude._

_“No problem, kid.”_

_“Runt.”_

_“What?”_

_“S’my name.” She shrugged and continued eating._

_“OK.” He chuckled at the odd name. “I’m Christian, Chris.”_

_She hummed her acknowledgement around a mouth full of food._

_“You got a warm place to sleep tonight?”_

_She stilled at the question, afraid of where it was leading. “Of course.” Her voice full of false bravado._

_Chris chose to take it for what it was, self-preservation._

_“Just hungry.” She gestured to the soup in her hands with a nod. “Too young to get a job.”_

_They sat in silence for a stretch as she ate and Chris tried to devise a plan._

_“Well, I could really use some help at night. See, I gotta break down and sanitize the machines every couple of days. It’s really time consuming and between all the other clean up, some nights I’m here until after midnight.”_

_She stared blankly at him waiting for him to explain his point._

_“I can’t pay you a lot, but I can pay you under the table. You could have all the day old pastries you want too.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Well, I can’t sell them and I have to throw them out anyway.”_

_“No, I mean, why do you want to help me?”_

_“Let’s just say I know what it’s like to be alone.”_

_She studiously stared at her sneakers while she mulled it over. “Will there be more soup?”_

_“Absolutely.”_

_“Ok then. I’ll do it.”_

_“Great! Just knock on the back door here tomorrow night. Have a safe night. And keep the jacket.” He patted her shoulder and stood to leave._

_“Thank you, Chris.”_

_A few days later they had a routine down. She would show up after closing and mop the whole of the shop. She helped refill napkin dispensers and sugar jars, while Chris cleaned the machines. He’d give_ _her the contents of the tip jar, he usually padded it with ten or so dollars, and gave her any food that she wanted from the day’s left overs._   


_They were seated in the breakroom, letting her eat and avoid the rain for a few more hours when Chris decided to breach the subject of the name she gave him._

_“So, when are you going to tell me your real name?” His voice light and teasing._

_She ducked her head as her cheeks colored in embarrassment. “That- that is my real name.”_

_“Seriously? No way.”_

_“It’s on my birth certificate.” She rolled her eyes like the tween that she was._

_“Wow.”_

_“Yeah, my father thought he was funny.” Her voice hard, showing how little she thought it was funny. “My mom said he told her I was a tiny little runt when I was born. Then he made it official before my mom could do anything about it.”_

_“That’s awful.”_

_“The lady at CPS changed it to Rachel. But that’s not much better if you ask me.”_

_Chris chuckled at that. He decided to try to keep her talking now that she had finally opened up to him. “So where is father of the year now?”_

_“Prison. For killing mom.” She said it like she was bored of the subject. But her too bright blue eyes showed the truth. “Got sent to a home for girls at seven. Got sick of the abuse and left at eleven. Been out here for about a year now.”_

_Chris was surprised by the similarities in their histories. His mother had died of a drug overdose when he was young and his dad too, was in prison. Chris got himself emancipated just before he turned 15 and had been living on his own ever since. At seventeen he was the youngest employee at the coffee shop, but the owner liked him and trusted him enough to give him the closing shifts every night._   
_The next day he began his new mission to help her pick a new name. He would start their time together by greeting her by a new name; Debbie, Amber, Emily, Jessica, and on and on. Most were met by a nose wrinkled head shake. A few brought on a gag or a stuck out tongue; Ethel, Gertrude, Hester._

_Two weeks into it he had finally settled on a name he was sure she would like. But she didn’t show. He tried to ignore the sinking feeling that something was wrong while he continued to clean the shop._

_His worst fears were realized when he took the trash out to the dumpster. He tripped over something sticking out from the side of it. It was a foot. Dropping the bags he rounded the dumpster as fast as he could to find Runt, bruised, bloodied, and unconscious. Pushing aside the self-directed disgust that he didn’t look for her sooner, he gently touched her face when he dropped to his knees beside her. He could see her chest rise and fall. He made an immediate decision. He locked the back door to the shop, then gently scooped her in his arms and ran to his car. She began to stir as he placed her in the passenger seat. “Shhhh. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.”_

_At the hospital she told him she had been mugged. She was more upset about the loss of her savings and Chris’ coat, than she was about her injuries. She squeezed his hand in terror as two police officers entered the room._

_He was quick to explain that he was emancipated and the legal guardian to his little sister, Joy. He left to retrieve all the proper legal documents proclaiming it as such, having quickly gotten a buddy to forge some for Joy. An hour later, a police report was filed. Her injuries were treated quickly and she was released. Chris sighed in relief now that he was taking his drowsy little sister home with him._

_“Thank you for sticking your neck out for me back there, Chris. But I should really get going now.” She said when they reached the outside of his apartment._

_“What? No! You were just mugged and beaten. You are staying with me.” He raised his hand to stop her protest and continued. “Besides, you saw the papers. I am your legal guardian. And I say you live here now.” His stern voice leaving little room for argument._

_She stared, stunned. She was forever grateful to Chris for all that he’d done for her thus far. For this, she would owe him eternally._

_“So, what made you pick Joy?”_

_He grinned as he understood her lack of protest as acceptance to his offer. “I figured you could really use some happy in your life. And what better way to start than with your name.” He replied with a shrug._

  
_“Cool. Cause I really like it.” Her smile was interrupted with a huge yawn. “So, where’s my new room, big brother?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Feedback appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

_It was a little over two years later, when Joy walked in to the coffee shop to find Chris sweeping. “Happy Birthday big brother!” she sing-songed. “I have a gift for you!” She held a large manila envelope out to him._

_He eyed it suspiciously while leaning his broom against a table. “What is this?_

_“Open it!” she was so excited she was bouncing in place._

_He pulled out the thick pile of papers looking over them; scholarship information in his name and an acceptance letter in to the EMT/Paramedics program at the local community college. He dropped them with a loud thud on to the table. “We’ve talked about this Joy.” He sighed in frustration._

_“No, you’ve given crappy excuses. This fixes those!” She pointed to the stack of paperwork. “This fixes all of those!”_

_“I can’t just leave Sam hanging!”_

_“Sam was running the place just fine without you!“_

_“I owe Sam a lot! You have no idea!”_

_“You owe it to yourself to have a better life! Your 19! You have your whole life ahead of you. I know you don’t want to be a glorified bus boy for the rest of it!”_

_“We can’t afford this! Don’t you get that?”_

_“Yes, we can! That’s a full ride scholarship!”_

_“I can’t go to school and support us!”_

_“Sure you can. I looked into it. Most of the classes are offered at night. You can just change to the day shift here.” She said in a much quieter voice, realizing they had been yelling at each other._

_“When will I sleep? Study?” His voice coming down to match hers._

_“You can cut back your work hours.” She raised her hand to stop his protest. “I can get a part time job too. I am old enough now.”_

_“No. Absolutely no! You are starting high school!” His anger back in full force._

_“I can do both. We can do both. It’s only for two years, Chris. Please. Can’t we just try?” She plead as she sat down at the table between them and picked up the letter on top. “Look, they pay for tuition, books, and even give a little for living expenses. I can ask Sam if I can have the closing shift, so I can do my homework right after school. With us both working part time, we may only have to tighten our belts a tiny bit.”_

_He sat down across from her with a huff. She made it sound so simple. “You’ve got it all figured out don’t you?” She beamed at him. “I will give it some consideration, under one condition.”_

_She nodded happily, “Anything.”_

_“The minute either of our grades start to slip, I drop out and go back to work full time.”_

_“Sounds fair.”_

“Ok then. I’ll do it.”

_She squealed and launched herself at him squeezing the breath out of him._

_“Thank you.” He whispered into her hair._

__

__

Chris shook himself from his memories and looked over at the distraught expression on his best friend’s face. Deciding to give him some time alone, he stood and kissed his sister’s cheek. “I’m going to go grab us some caffeine from the cafeteria. I’ll be back soon.” Seeing that Jensen was too lost in his own thoughts to respond he quietly let himself out. 

 

*Jensen* 

_He jogged up the stairs behind his buddy Chris into his apartment. “I just got to grab my anatomy book, real quick. Do you want to grab a bite somewhere on the way to the library?” Chris called over his shoulder as he unlocked the door. The two of them had become fast friends in the nearly two years they had been in paramedic school together._

_Before Jensen could respond they heard a low oath come from the kitchen, followed by Chris’ kid sister repeating, “No, no, no, no.” Her voice sounding near tears._

_They quickly rounded the corner into the kitchen to find her hunched over the counter cradling her left hand, blood pooling on the counter top._

_“Son of a bitch.” Chris growled as he sprang into action, grabbing a towel and wrapping her hand in it leading her to sit down at the table._

_“Hey Jen, can you grab the first aid kit from under the bathroom sink, please?” Chris asked without looking away from Joy’s tear stained face._

_“On it.” Jensen answered as he jogged off to get it._

_“What the hell happened?” Chris growled again as he unwrapped her hand to inspect the damage._

_“I-I was doing dishes. I broke your coffee m-mug.” She sniffed._

_“Shit. This needs stitches.” His paramedic training kicking in. The cut ran deep across the width of her palm._

_Jensen returned with the kit just in time to agree with his assessment._

_“Can y-you do it?” She sobbed._

_“What? No! I’m taking you to the ER.”_

_Jensen quickly helped Chris clean and wrap her hand in gauze._

_“No! You can’t Chris!” Her voice getting higher with anxiety. “We can’t afford that! It’ll be fine! I-I don’t need stitches.” She pulled her hand away and stood to leave._

_“Yes you do!” He roared at her. His worry getting the best of him. But seeing a small tremor run through her body, he reigned it in. “It will be fine. I will pick up some extra shifts at the coffee shop. I am sure we can work out a payment plan or something. Don’t worry about it.” He tried to coax her out of the kitchen but she quickly side stepped him._

_“No Chris! You promised!”_

_“I promised to take care of you! That’s what I am doing!”_

_“You promised you wouldn’t give up on your dream. And if you have to go to work more then you can’t get in more hours in the ambulance. I won’t be the cause of you not meeting your hour requirements and getting kicked out of the program!”_

_Chris huffed out an exasperated breath._

_“I have an idea.” Jensen spoke for the first time. Both eyes snapped to him in surprise, both having forgotten his presence. “There’s a low cost urgent care clinic across town. I know the head doctor. He’ll take real good care of that hand.”_

_Chris didn’t even think about it. He just agreed. “Ok. Let’s go. You drive.” He tosses his keys to Jensen and scooped up Joy, who was still nervously protesting as they headed out to his truck._

_Not long after they were settled in the waiting area, Jensen returned from behind the door he had disappeared through with a man in blue scrubs and a white coat. He was a smidge taller than Jensen with darker blonde hair and familiar green eyes. He was smiling gently at Joy as they approached._

_“This is Josh, er um, Dr. Ackles. He’s going to take a look at that hand.” Jensen beamed._

_“Why don’t you come back with me to an exam room, while your brother fills out some paper work?” Dr. Ackles asked as he indicated the reception desk where a petite brunette waved and held up a clipboard for Chris._

_Joy turned frightened eyes to Chris. “It’s ok. I’ll be back with you in just a minute.” He kissed her temple before heading to the desk._

_“Would you like me to come with you? I can hold your hand until Chris gets there.” Jensen suggested as he noticed how scared she looked._

_“Oh, ok, sure.” She muttered and then followed the doctor to the exam room, Jensen trailing behind._

_“My brother said you cut it on a broken coffee mug? Let’s have a look, shall we?” Dr. Ackles asked as she was seated on the exam table. She nodded as he gently took her hand and unwrapped the now bloody gauze. She whimpered a little when he prodded at the torn flesh. “Yeah, this is going to need some stitches.” He said softly, more to himself than anyone else._

_Dr. Ackles looked up into her sad eyes and patted her on the knee. “Just relax for a bit. I’m going to grab a suture kit and check on your brother. I will be right back.” He assured her before he stepped out of the room._

_The mention of Chris made the panic come back tenfold. “We really should just go now. Chris is filling out forms and they’ll find out we don’t have insurance and we can’t pay for this. Then they will call child services. And Chris will get in trouble because I got hurt and we can’t get medical treatment. Then they’ll take me away and I can’t go away. I can’t lose Chris! I-“_

_“Hey, whoa! Slow down.” Jensen had come to stand in front of her during her little freak out. He gently put his hands on her cheeks, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “No one’s going to take you away from Chris. He is your legal guardian, he just has to fill out a patient intake form with all your information, as well as a form about his monthly income to get good ol’ Uncle Sam to pay for this. OK? No insurance required. No CPS involvement.”_

_She took a deep stuttering breath and nodded her acceptance. “You promise?”_

_“I promise.” He dropped his right hand and placed it over his heart. “Chris is one of my best friends. I am not going to let anything happen to you.”_

_“Ok. Thank you Jensen.” She smiled timidly up at him._

_“You’re welcome.” He smiled back and bent down to hug her. He felt her relax instantly into him._

_Dr. Ackles came in then, ignoring the scene before him and headed straight to the awaiting tray table, laying out the suture kit. “Chris said we could go ahead and start without him, if that’s ok with you.”_

_“It’s fine.” Joy answered as Jensen let go of her and made to step out of the way. Joy quickly reached out and took hold of his hand and squeezed it, keeping him with her. He took the hint and leaned on the side of the exam table._

_“I am going to numb the area first. Then I need to irrigate the wound and make sure there isn’t any glass stuck in there. And then I will stitch it closed.” Dr. Ackles explained while he pulled on a pair of gloves. He put her trembling hand palm up on his tray and drew up a needle to numb the area._

_Joy took another stuttering breath and buried her face in Jensen’s shoulder. Her breathing quickly becoming erratic._

_“Jen, she needs to calm down. I don’t want her to pass out.” Dr. Ackles was about to inject her hand when it began to shake._

_“Joy, I need you to breathe with me.” Jensen said low and calm. He quickly raised the hand he’d been holding and placed it over his heart and held it in place. “Try to match yours to mine.”_

_She briefly looked up and nodded before closing her eyes again and focusing on their breathing._

_“That’s my girl. You’re doing great.” He ignored the smirk on his older brother’s face at the endearment and continued to whisper praise and encouragement._

_“I am going to start the sutures now. Do you think you need to lie down?_

_“No, no. I think I am ok now. Go ahead.” She smiled tentatively at him._

_“Alright then, just let me know if you feel dizzy or light headed at all.”_

_She nodded her assurance and quickly buried her face in Jensen’s shoulder again. He felt her relax a little as she realized she couldn’t feel any pain. She slowly raised her head to take a look. There were four perfectly placed sutures and the fifth was being started. She leaned in closer to get a better look. “Cool.” She breathed, barely a whisper._

_Jensen chuckled and squeezed her hand in response, just as a knock sounded at the door._

_“Yes?” Dr. Ackles called out._

_“The patient’s brother would like to join you.” A nurse poked her head in the door._

_“Send him in please.”_

_“How are you doing kiddo?” A worried Chris asked as he entered the room. He quirked an eyebrow at Jensen when he saw their entwined hands on his chest._

_“Your sister is very brave.” Dr. Ackles answered as he tied off another suture._

_“I had a mild freak out, but Jensen helped me calm down.” She’d seen the look on her brother gave their friend when he entered._

_Chris gave Jensen a look that spoke volumes of his gratitude for Jen’s help in the matter. He nodded in return and continued to watch Joy become more enthralled in the suturing process._

_As they made to leave, Josh grabbed his brother’s arm and held him back. “Hey Jen, can I have a word, please?”_

_Jensen waved the others on. “I’ll meet you at the truck.” He handed Chris back his keys and followed his brother to his office._

_“You need to watch yourself there, Jen.” Josh spoke sternly with a slight worried expression._

_“What? I don’t follow.”_

_“With Joy.” He looked pointedly at him._

_“What?! Josh, she’s like Mackie.”_

_Josh quirked an eyebrow. “If you look at our little sister like that then we will have bigger problems on our hands.”_

_Jensen huffed an exasperated sigh._

_“Seriously, Jen. She’s sixteen. She’s just a kid.”_

_“You have nothing to worry about.”_

_“Good. Cause JD might be like an uncle to us, but I am pretty sure the chief of police wouldn’t hesitate to lock your ass up for messing with a kid.”_

_“Jensen shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Goodbye Josh.” He headed out the door, pausing briefly, “Thank you. For taking care of her.”_

_“Anytime.”_

_Later, when Joy kissed his cheek as a thank you, he knew he was well and truly screwed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

_The Roadhouse Bar and Grill had been their favorite meet up spot to shake off the horrors of a long shift for the past couple of years. Fresh from a fire, still smelling of smoke, Jensen and Jared had left the fire house tired, but hungry. They met up with Chris and Chad who were just ending a long shift in their shared ambulance. Conversation had lagged in lieu of eating their fill of greasy pub food and ice cold beers._

_“So what are we doing for Joy’s birthday?” Chad asked suddenly, rubbing his hands together. “It’s the big 1-8!”_

_Chris shrugged his shoulders, setting his beer down. “She mentioned a party. So I guess if I can get y’all to help chaperone, then I can let her throw one.”_

_“Awesome! Barely legal hotties! Now that’s a party! I’m in!” Chad whooped._

_“Don’t make me call Rosy and have your ass arrested Murray.” Chris rolled his eyes at his partner’s antics._

_“Yeah, whatever.” Chad huffed. “So, Ackles, whatcha getting her for her birthday?” Chad wagged his eyebrows at him._

_“Well, um.” Jensen took a sip of his beer to avoid eye contact with Chris. “She’s been going on and on about wanting to go to that new Italian place on central, Benetti’s. So, I was going to take her…”_

_“That place is supposed to be real romantic. Why the hell would you take her there?” Chris interrupted him in utter clueless confusion._

_Chad and Jared stared at him like he had grown an extra head. Jensen choked on his beer._

_“You really are blind man.” Jared chuckled and pat Jensen on the back._

_“What? It’s not like Jenny wants to date my sister.”_

_“Dude! Seriously, open your eyes!” Chad Chortled._

_“Jen?!” Chris nearly whined, ignoring Chad._

_Jensen could feel the heat rising in his cheeks and took another swig of beer to stall a little longer._

_“Dude’s got it bad, man! How do you not see that?”_

_“Shut up Murray!” Kane’s temper started to flare. “So, what Jen? She’s turning 18, so now you can add her to your list of one-nighters? Is that it? Were you just biding your time until she was legal?!” His anger quickly getting the better of him._

_Jensen sat shocked into silence by the accusation. He knew this would be a hard sell, but he never thought Chris would accuse him of such a thing. He thought they were closer than that._

_“Whoa Kane! Calm down!” Jared put a restraining hand on the fuming man’s shoulder. Kane shoved his hand away and stood up._

_“I will not allow you to add her to the notches on your bed post! “ He roared and pointed an accusing finger in Jensen’s face. Other diners were starting to stare._

_“That’s enough!” Chad roared back grabbed Kane’s biceps and pulled him out of Jensen’s face. “Don’t be an asshole! You know Jen isn’t like that! Open your damn eyes and you might just see that the guy is head over ass for her!”_

_> Kane shook Chad off, but deflated a little. “S’that true?” He growled at Jensen._

_“Yeah. Yeah, man. It’s true.” Jensen’s answer was quiet, but rang with determination to stand up for himself._

_Kane slumped down into his chair, all the fight gone from him. “Shit.” He took a long pull of his beer. Chad eyed him warily and sat down next to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He glared waiting for his answer._

_“It’s been so obvious he probably didn’t think he had to.” Chad said into his beer bottle._

_“Shut up Murray.” Kane’s eyes never left Jensen’s._

_“Doesn’t matter. You know now.” Jensen’s stare never wavered as he waited for the revelation to sink in to Kane’s brain._

_After several minutes of tense silence, Jared let out a loud sigh. “I’m going to get another round.” He stood and headed to the bar. Kane visibly relaxed as the interruption had cut the tension at the table._

_“Does Joy know?” Kane huffed, “I mean do you even know if she’ll say yes?”_

_Chad snickered. Kane shot a glare at him. “I’m going to go help Jay-bird.” As he headed to the bar, he called over his shoulder, “Don’t kill each other.”_

_“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think she’s interested.” Ignoring Chad, Jensen’s eyes pleaded desperately for Kane to be ok about all of this._

_“How long?”_

_Jensen let out a humorless laugh. “I don’t know, man. Always.” He took a deep breath and continued. “Since the day she buried her face in my shoulder while she got her hand stitched up.” Truth ringing in every word. Hoping the truth would help Kane to see the depth of his feelings._

_After what felt like an eternity of more silence, Kane spoke again. “I will spare you the ‘don’t hurt my sister’ speech. Cause I know Morgan and Beaver would help me bury you if need be.”_

_Chad and Jared returned to the table with a tray of shots and beers in time to hear Kane’s threat._

_“To young love!” Chad raised a shot in salute and downed it._

 

_“Jeeeen! Come dance with me!” Jensen quirked an amused eyebrow at the whine as she pulled on his arm trying to yank him off the picnic bench._

_“Fine. But you got five minutes, birthday brat.” He then made a big show of being reluctantly pulled from his seat._

_The party had slowly dwindled a couple of hours ago. Most of the guests were long gone. All that remained were the members of Fire House 10, firefighters and paramedics; family._

_The guys were all sprawled about the back yard in various conversations. Kane and Steve Carlson were in the far corner with their guitars, keeping the music flowing. Jared was laughing loudly as Chad regaled him the tales of being turned down over and over again by Joy’s friends. Genevieve, Jared’s girl, and Danneel, Kane’s, were quietly rounding up the food and cleaning up the place._

_Jensen quickly twirled her in the grass and into his arms. They continued around the yard in a mock country two-step. She’d tell him later that this was the best gift of the day. They didn’t speak just exchanged shy smiles. Completely unaware of the knowing looks they were receiving from the others wrapped in their own little bubble._

_“I really should go.” The reluctance thick in his voice as the last song ended. “Tommy will kick my ass if I am late to relieve him.”_

_“Oh, of course.” She followed him towards the gate as he quickly waved goodbyes to everyone. “Thanks for coming.” She said lamely as they reached the gate._

_“Wouldn’t have missed it.” She blushed and fiddled with the hem of her shirt._

_“Are you busy tomorrow night?” He suddenly blurted out._

_“Nope.” She answered quizzically._

_“Good. Because I got us reservations for 7:30 at Benetti”s.” His voice matter-of-fact, but the hopeful twinkle in his eyes made her ask._

_“Just the two of us? Like- like a date?”_

_“Only if you want it to be.” He suddenly sounded unsure._

_She quickly took a peek over her shoulder to see Kane studiously ignoring them. “Yes. Yes, I would love that.”_

_His face broke out into the 1000 watt smile she loved so much. “Great. I will pick you up at 7 then.”_

_She couldn’t help the beaming smile she gave in response. “Perfect. Have a safe shift, Jen.”_

_“Always.” Then he quickly ducked down and kissed the corner of her mouth. “Happy Birthday Joy.”_

 

_Jensen couldn’t tamp down the butterflies in his stomach as he approached the door. A door that he had been through thousands of times over the years. But this was the first time he was nervous. Taking a deep breath, he straightened his tweed blazer, wiped imaginary lint off his jeans, and glanced at his boots making sure there was no mud. The door opened on the first knock, startling him a little, to reveal the angry glare of Kane._

_“Hey man.”_

_Chris said nothing back. He just stood glaring with his arms crossed over his chest, blocking Jensen’s entrance to the apartment. After a couple minutes of an intense stare down, Danneel appeared behind Chris._

_“Stop being such a jerk and let him in.” She slapped Chris on the shoulder. “Don’t ruin this for them.”_

_Chris continued to glare but stepped out of the way._

_“Hi Danni.” Jen said as she hugged him. “Thank you.”_

_“Don’t worry about it. He’s just being an ass.”_

_Before Chris could defend himself, Joy appeared. Jensen was speechless. She was wearing a simple knee length dark blue strapless dress with matching brown belt and cowboy boots. Her auburn hair was pinned back in a loose bun at her nape, a few stray curls framing her face. And she was wearing just the barest hint of makeup. She looked gorgeous. Jensen’s heart picked up its pace as he took in the stunning beauty before him._

_An irritated cough from behind broke the spell. “Be nice Chris.” Joy said as she hit him in the stomach with the back of her hand._

_“Oomf! Hey! I am!” He finally stopped glaring at Jen._

_Jensen ignored Chris and stepped up to Joy. “You look amazing.” He reached out for the denim jacket in her hands. “Let me help you with that.” Always the gentleman, he helped her into it. “Shall we?” He place one hand on the small of her back and motioned to the door with the other._

_Joy smiled and nodded before stepping up to Chris to kiss him on the cheek. “Don’t wait up.” She cheekily whispered in his ear._

_He growled in response making Danni tighten her grip on his arm. “Have fun you two!” Danni called out as they left._

_At the restaurant they were sat in a quiet corner circular booth. The lights were dimmed and candles were lit on every table. Quiet classical music played in the background adding to the romantic ambiance._

_After they had ordered their meals, Jensen couldn’t wait any longer. He placed a small rectangle box wrapped in gold paper on the table and slid it in front of her._

_“Jen?”_

_“Happy Birthday.” His voice soft, eyes slightly nervous._

_“Are you telling me that my new Fire Station 10 hoodie wasn’t my real gift?” She teased in mock horror. “Cause I love that thing.”_

_“Just open it.” He chuckled and shook his head fondly at her antics._

_She carefully unwrapped the shiny paper, laying it aside and opened the little box. She gasped when she saw the contents. “It’s so beautiful.” She whispered as she pulled out the bracelet, rubbing her index finger down the intricate design. It was a long strip of brown leather with perfect little roses carved into it. The tips of each petal dyed red. She turned it over to reveal the initials JA carved on the underside. “You made this?”_

_He shrugged his shoulders and ducked his head. “Here.” He took it from her and wrapped it around her dainty left wrist, tying the ends off in an intricate knot._

_“Thank you Jen.” She scooted closer to him looking deeply into his eyes. She put her hand up on his cheek. “I will never take it off.”_

_He bent down and kissed her, soft and sweet._

 

Jensen jerked himself out of his memories and looked down at the hand he was holding. A faint white line was visible from the years of wearing the bracelet, but the bracelet itself was gone. “Well that just won’t do, sweetheart.” His joints popped and cracked as he stood up. The three day vigil he had been holding at her bed side was wreaking havoc with his body. He stretched his arms above his head as he looked down at the still unconscious form before him. Trying desperately to ignore the fact that his only company for the past three days had been the noises in this room and occasionally joined by a distraught Kane, who had decided working was better than sitting around waiting. He couldn’t fool Jensen though. He knew Chris was hurting the same as he was. Except Jensen couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the room. He quickly found a bag marked personal effects in the small wall locker in the corner of the room. Inside, on top of her blood stained clothes lay the beloved leather strap. 

He choked back the overwhelming flood of emotion welling in his chest as he wrapped it back around the place it belonged. “That’s better, huh?” He leaned down and gently kissed her forehead. “Damn, I miss you so much.” A loud alarm beeping near her head startled him away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

The door flew open and a nurse came running into the room moments later. She ran to the machine that was blaring and shut it off.  


“What’s wrong? What’s happening?” Anxiety evident in Jensen’s voice.  


“She’s fighting the ventilator.” She said while checking on said machine. “That’s great news. It means she’s waking up.” She reassured him.  


He sat back in his chair before his knees could give out in relief and took hold of Joy’s hand again.  


“I paged Dr. Collins. He should be here shortly.”  


Jensen suddenly felt the limp hand in his, grip back tightly. He looked up quickly to find terrified cobalt eyes staring right at him.  


He bolted out of his seat. “Hey. Hey, you’re alright. You’re in the hospital. Everything’s fine.” He repeated as he leaned in and stroked lovingly along her cheek finding wetness there.  


“Let’s get that nasty tube out, shall we?” The nurse asked, startling Joy slightly with her presence.  


“It’s ok. I’m right here.” Jensen soothed as the nurse lowered the head of the bed until she was lying flat.  


She flipped the off switch on the ventilator and unhooked it from the tube in Joy’s mouth. “Ok. On the count of three, I need you to cough as hard as you can.” Joy nodded minutely and the nurse grabbed the tube. “One, two, three.” Joy coughed and the nurse pulled it out quickly. She then hurried to place a nasal cannula at her nostrils and adjusted the tubes around her ears. Then she raised the head of the bed again. Joy’s breath stuttered as she adjusted to the oxygen flowing in through her nose.  


“Wh…” Joy tried whispering.  


“Don’t try to talk just yet. I am going to go get you some ice chips and see where the doctor is. I will be right back.” She quickly left the room.  


Joy turned pleading eyes on Jensen, silently asking for an explanation.  


“Do you remember being at the mall?” When she shook her head no, he continued. “We were meeting Jay and Gen. You were mugged. The bastard threw you down the stairs. You’ve been out for three days.” His voice broke at the last word.  


Her eyes grew wide at his explanation. She didn’t remember any of it. But before she could panic over that fact, the door opened and Dr. Collins entered. “Hey kiddo. Glad to see you awake.” The nurse followed him in carrying a cup of ice chips. She handed it to Jensen and urged him to help Joy with them.  


“I just want to check on a few things real quick and then we are going to send you up to get another CT scan. And with a little luck we can get you moved out of the ICU into a private room. OK?” Not waiting for any response he flipped up the blankets over her left foot. He ran his finger nail up the sole of her foot making her jerk her foot away. “Good.” He said under his breath. He skipped the foot in traction and moved to the head of the bed. He shined his penlight in her eyes and seemed satisfied with that as well. He then placed his index fingers in front of her hands and asked her to squeeze as hard as she could; her left was perfect. His concerned eyes met her panicked ones when the right hand didn’t move much in response. Jensen missed the exchange, as he was busy spooning up some ice chips for her.  


“Ok then.” Dr. Collins nodded at her. “We will get you to that CT scan and go from there.”  


She tried not to let the panic show too much on her face. She didn’t want to worry Jensen. She knew it may just be a temporary effect of her trauma. She had only been awake for a few minutes after all. She would wait to see what the scan showed before she said anything to him. 

 

*Chris*  
Chris was once again trying to bury himself in his memories while he inventoried the supplies in his ambulance.  


_“Get in newb! We just got your first call!” Chad patted her shoulder as he ran around to the driver’s seat of the ambulance they had just been restocking._  


_She climbed in trying to tramp down her nerves. She searched out Chris with slightly wild eyes._  


_“Hey, you’ll do great. Top of your class and all. Besides, Chad and I got your back.” He gave an encouraging smile as he shut her into the back of the ambulance._  


_Ten minutes later found Joy doing compressions on the chest of a man in his forties who had complained of chest pains to his wife, who then called 911. Chris administered epinephrine from beside her while Chad sped towards the hospital._  


_Not five minutes later, Dr. Collins called time of death. There was nothing they could do to revive the man. The paramedics had stood back and watched the fight to save him. Joy stood unable to look away from the man she couldn’t save. A man who’s crying wife and two young children had followed them to the hospital and were still awaiting news. She could feel her knees getting weak and her eyes prickle. This wasn’t supposed to happen. All the schooling, the training; years of her life spent learning. She was supposed to save lives not deliver death._  


_Before she could bring herself to a full panic, she felt strong hands on her shoulders, turning her away. Chris’ husky voice was in her ear. “Come on. Time to go.”_  


_Once he had her outside and sat down on the ambulance’s rear bumper, he took her face in his hands. “Hey, you did great.” At her dubious look he tried again. “We did everything we could. It was just his time.”_  


_“H-how do you do this Chris? I mean, I know we can’t save everyone, but how? How do we just move on, like we didn’t just watch a man draw his last breath?” Her voice cracked at the end and a single tear ran down her cheek. He reached out and wiped it away._  


_“Mass quantities of alcohol!” Chad tried joking from where he was perched around the corner smoking a very much needed cigarette._  


_Chris shot him a glare and resumed consoling his sister. “Look I’m not going to lie to you. It doesn’t get any easier. But you have to learn to deal.” She huffed out a sigh and looked pleading eyes up at him to explain how._  


_“Come with us tonight. To the Roadhouse after shift. We’re meeting some of the crew there.”_  


_“I hardly think getting wasted is going to make it all better.” She scoffed._  


_“Doesn’t hurt.” Chad butted in with a shrug._  


_Chris let out a deep breath. “Let us help. We get it. Yeah, we might not do it the healthiest of ways and we are all slightly unhinged. But we’re family, us and the crew at station 10. They get it, what we see, what we do. How to deal with it, they know. You don’t have to smile pretty and hide. They understand. Please come, you’ll see.”  
_

His cell phone belting out Bad Moon Rising brought him back to the present; a text from Jensen. She’s awake.

He all but burst through the door to find long awaited deep ocean blue eyes shining at him from across the room. A small smile forming on her lips as he entered. “Oh thank fuck. You are a sight for sore eyes!” He made a bee line straight to her. He gently took her face in his hands and kissed her forehead. “How are you feeling?” His eyes wet.  


“I’m ok, Chris.” Her scratchy whisper contradicted her statement.  


He looked to Jensen for confirmation.  


“We are waiting for CT results. Collins seemed pleased with everything so far.” Jensen answered him with an easy smile, but his eyes showed he was still worried.  


“Well I got Carlson to cover my shift. I’m going to wait with you.” He took the seat opposite of Jensen and settled in to wait.

Joy was lightly dozing, Jensen’s hand still clutched in hers, like she was afraid to let go, when Dr. Collins came back in a few hours later. “I am glad you are all here. I have the CT results and there are a few things we need to discuss.”  


She found herself suddenly wide awake and gripping Jensen’s hand with all of her might. She braced herself for the bad news she knew that was coming. And the reactions she wasn’t ready to face.  


Dr. Collins hung some films on the light wall behind Chris and turned on the light. “There is still a large subdual hematoma in your left motor strip, just above your left ear. At the point of impact, I do believe. This will explain the weakness you are experiencing in your right hand.” He explained as he pointed to the affected area on the scans.  


Chris and Jensen both turned to Joy in alarm. “What?” They both asked at the same time.  


She lifted the offending limb in response, her hand curled awkwardly. “I can’t move it.” She said sadly with a shrug letting her hand flop back down into her lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! SUICIDAL IDIATION Please heed this warning. This chapter is graphic. Please skip if this is a trigger for you. Depression and suicide are serious matters. Please seek professional help if you are having these sorts of thoughts.

*Joy*  


She glared listlessly out the front window, absently watching a couple of crows tear apart some random trash in the middle of the road. She’d been home for three weeks now, after a short stint out of ICU, confined to a wheelchair. Her right leg still secure in a cast. Her useless right hand preventing the use of crutches. She had felt overwhelming grief to learn that the damage was most likely permanent and that her right leg was more than likely affected as well.  


Life as she knew it had been changed forever by the careless act of another. Her grief quickly morphed into anger when she had learned that the senseless act was not one of desperation, but in fact been part of a hazing initiation to a local frat house. Apparently, stealing a purse was an automatic in into the Pi Delta Omega house. Her career, her future, her entire life was destroyed over a poorly planned prank.  


She was angry. And she wasn’t above showing it. The once fiercely independent person she had always been, had instantly become nearly 100% dependent on others. She had never yelled so much in her entire life as she had her first week home. It had taken that long to finally convince Jensen and Chris that she would be fine alone for a couple of hours whenever their shifts overlapped. Their constant hovering had been smothering. They had finally conceded, but only after working out a schedule with all of their closest friends, to have someone swing by to check on her every few hours. It was maddening.  


Her anger soon turned to resentment as Chris and Jensen had started in on her about being depressed. Their insistence that she talk about her feelings and seek professional help had gotten them both the cold shoulder. She had stopped speaking to them both earlier in the week. This morning she had decided to grace Jensen with one word answers. The hope shining in his eyes over it was so overwhelming it nearly crumbled her resolve. Nearly, but not quite.  


She looked at the clock, Jensen still had another hour on shift. Steve had stopped by earlier, bringing lunch and checking up on her. No one would come by for a while. Using her good leg she awkwardly pushed her wheelchair into the bathroom where she had a bath running. She used her clawed hand as best she could to divest herself of her clothes. With a bit of difficulty she managed to fling her legs over the ledge and push out of her chair, sliding down into the tub. Exhausted she laid back and tried to relax her racing heart, ignoring her now soaked and ruined cast holding her leg firmly to the bottom of the tub.  


She had made the hard decision days ago, this was for the best. She couldn’t bear to be a burden any longer. Oh how she wished she could go back in time and avoid this whole mess. If only she would have paid attention to her surroundings she wouldn’t have been such an easy target. A victim. That was the word Chris and Jensen liked to throw around, victim. Like that helped any. Being a victim just pissed her off more. She had survived so much, apparently victim was her default setting. She ignored the idea that she was now a victim of her own thoughts.  


She let out a humorless laugh. It was time. If she postponed any longer Jensen would come home too soon. Steeling her resolve, she took hold of the safety razor she had taken from Jen’s side of the medicine cabinet, firmly in her left hand and plunged it as deep as she could into the flesh of the offending limb. The worthless dead hunk of flesh, that was once her dominant hand, gave no protest to her ministrations. She had saved many a life with her hands, she tried to ignore the irony of those same hands taking a life tonight. In a surge of desperation, realizing the useless claw would not aide her release on her other arm, she dug the razor in again running a perfect parallel to the first one from her wrist all the way to the crook of her elbow.  


She felt no pain, only mild satisfaction as she watched the red river flow down her arm into the tub. Dropping the razor on the floor, she laid her head back and awaited oblivion. 

*Jensen*  


Jensen pulled into his driveway after being relieved early off of a long boring shift. He was surprised to see an ambulance parked in front of the house. The lack of lights flashing eased his anxiety, if only slightly.  


Chris hopped out as he made his way up the walk. “Hey man. What’s up?”  


“Chad and I thought we’d stop by and say hi, while we were in the neighborhood.”  


“Okay. And the real reason is?”  


Chris let out a long sigh. “She’s still not answering my calls.”  


“Oh.” Jensen ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry man. She’s just- I don’t know.”  


“I’m worried Jen. She’s not been herself.”  


“Suffering a traumatic brain injury will tend to do that.” He answered dryly.  


“Shit Jensen, you know what I am talking about. She’s been so depressed and angry since she got out of the hospital. I tried talking to her about getting some help and she threw me out of the house. She hasn’t talked to me since. I just need her to be okay.”  


“You know how stubborn she is. I’m not sure we can convince her. Lord knows I’ve tried to get her to open up to me, but she just clams up more. She locked me out of our room for hours the other day for bringing it up again. All I could do was sit outside the door and listen to her cry.”  


“What if we try together? Like have a mini intervention.”  


“She won’t take kindly to being ganged up on.”  


“We have to do something!” Panic evident in Chris’ voice.  


“Yeah, ok.” He moved passed Chris and headed up the stairs to the front door, knowing he’d follow. “Let me see if she’ll come out to talk.” Jensen said once they entered the house and Joy was nowhere to be seen.  


“Joy? Sweetheart?” He called out as he entered their bedroom, finding it empty. As he rounded the corner to their en suite bathroom his blood ran cold at the sight before him.  


Joy was slumped down in the tub full of red tinted water, completely submerged, apart from her arm dangling awkwardly over the side. A large pool of blood forming below her hand.  


“No.” He breathed as he ran to the tub. He effortlessly pulled her from the water and laid her on the floor. Finding no pulse he started CPR. “KANE!”  


Chris exploded through the door seconds later. “No!” He quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped her arm in it before assisting Jensen with rescue breathing.  


Heart shattering minutes later she was coughing up lung-fulls of water. As Jensen rolled her on to her side to assist the expulsion of water, Chris ripped a blanket from the bed to cover her. Then Jensen scooped her into his arms and they sprinted to the unsuspecting awaiting ambulance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flashbacks are italicized.

Hours spent pacing the waiting room; there was a sick sense of deja vu hanging in the air. Hours with no word, no clue if she was still breathing. They had fought so hard in the ambulance to keep her alive. Now all they could do was wait. Jensen was ready to scream by the time the door finally opened and Dr. Collins entered, flanked by a short bearded man in a white coat.  


“How is she?” He asked, shooting to his feet, before the door could swing closed behind them.  


“She required a blood transfusion and numerous stitches. And we’ve replaced her ruined cast. I am certain that physically she will recover just fine.” Both Chris and Jensen visibly sagged in relief. “As for the rest, I am turning her care over to Dr. Benedict.” He indicated the man to his left. “He is the head of our psychiatric department.”  


After introductions and handshakes were exchanged, Dr. Benedict picked up the conversation where Misha had left off. “It is hospital policy to keep suicide attempts under observation for 48 hours. But when your sister regained consciousness she became very volatile towards the nursing staff and had to be sedated. I am recommending she be admitted to the psych ward until we are able to get a full evaluation of her mental state.”  


“What? No, she’s not crazy! She’s just not handling the effects of the accident very well. She’s not violent. She…”  


“Chris stop.” Jensen placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “She needs help. If this is the only way for her to get it, then…” he trailed off.  


Chris deflated with a huge sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. Can we at least see her?”  


“I am sorry, but we can’t allow her any visitors at this time. I will re-evaluate that after the 48 hours.”

They drove back to the house in silence. Chris dropped him off with a quick, “I’ll call if I hear anything.”  


The house was eerily quiet when he went in. He headed straight for the fridge and downed an entire beer, standing with the door open. After retrieving a second, he headed to the bathroom desperate to rid himself of his blood stained clothes.  


“Damn it Joy!” He nearly put his fist clear through the wall in a sudden burst of anger when he saw the bloody mess that was their bathroom.  


Using the stabbing pain in his now busted up hand to focus, he grabbed some towels off the rack and began cleaning up the blood. He tried his best not to think about the cause of the mess. When he found the razor blade he couldn’t hold back anymore. He slumped back against the tub and let hot angry tears pour down his face.  


That’s how Jared found him sometime later, having let himself in. “Hey man. Chad called.” He crouched down, placing a hand on Jensen’s shoulder. “Why don’t you go get a shower and let me clean this up?” Noticing Jen’s busted hand, he chose not to mention it as he pulled him by the elbow to his feet and directed him to the guest bathroom.  


Finally feeling clean, sporting the comfy sweats and baggie T-shirt Jared had laid out for him, Jensen stumbled into the kitchen following the smell of food. Genevieve was standing at the stove stirring a pot. Jared was setting the table.  


“Have a seat. It’s almost done.” She said with a gentle smile. Jared handed him a beer as he took his seat at the table.  


They ate in silence. No one quite sure what to say. Jensen felt their presence to be very comforting. He was beyond grateful to his friends. A sudden glint on Gen’s hand caught his eye. He couldn’t fight the small smile that found its way on his face.  


“So, you finally found the nerve to pop the question?”  


Gen quickly moved her hand to her lap under the table and ducked her head. She wasn’t sure that now was the most appropriate time to share in her happiness. But Jensen welcomed the distraction.  


“Yeah man.” Jared smiled tentatively. “Last night. We were going to tell you guys tonight, but...” He trailed off, the smile slipping off his face.  


“Congratulations.” Jensen met both of their concerned faces with a smile. “Really, I am so happy for you both.” The sincerity ringing in his voice helped to brighten his smile.  


They soon sent Jensen to bed. After cleaning the kitchen they quietly let themselves out.

Exhausted from a fitful night’s sleep, Jensen headed to the firehouse before the sun had fully risen. The guys on shift didn’t question his arrival, as Jared had informed them of what had happened the night before. Jensen was grateful to not have to answer the inevitable questions.  


He threw himself into work. Desperate for a distraction, he spent the next 36 hours deep cleaning parts of the firehouse that hadn’t been cleaned in years. Then he washed and detailed every truck. 

He was in the middle of changing out an air filter in one of the fire engines when Fire Chief Jim Beaver approached him.  


“Kane just called.” Startled by those words, Jensen hit his head on the hood in his haste to stand up right.  


“Said you weren’t answering your cell.”  


Ignoring the throb in his head he pulled his phone from his jeans pocket. “Shit.” It was dead. In all of the chaos he had forgotten to charge it.  


“He needs you to meet him at the hospital. Said Doc Benedict wants to talk to y’all.”  


Jensen stared at the engine for a moment.  


“I’ll finish up for ya. Just git over to the hospital.” Beaver patted his shoulder and headed for the tools.

Chris was waiting for him by the elevator outside the locked psych ward.  


“My cell died. What’s going on?”  


“He just said he needed to talk with us.”  


Just then the doors opened and a nurse stepped out. “Are you the family of Ms. Kane?”  


“Yes.” They answered in unison.  


She smiled at them. “Please follow me. Dr. Benedict is waiting for you.” She led them down a short corridor to the doctor’s office.  


He welcomed them with handshakes. “Please have a seat.” He indicated the chairs in front of his desk, shutting the door and taking his own seat behind it. “As I told you both before, I would re-evaluate the possibility for visitors after I got a full evaluation. I have yet to complete said evaluation as she refuses to speak, to anyone. I am reluctant to start any form of medication not knowing the extent of her mental illness.”  


“His last statement was met by two sets of cold steely eyes. The doctor raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Depression with suicidal ideation is a mental illness.” He reminded them gently. “I would like to see if allowing her some time with you two, individually, will help. My hope is that it will reassure her enough to open up and accept help. 

*Joy*  


Locked in a mostly empty room, confined to a bed with nothing but four white walls to keep her company, Joy found herself getting lost in her memories.  


_“Kane, what’s your 20?” Genevieve’s voice sounded strangely agitated over the radio.  
_

_“Just pulled out of the diner. You got a call for us?” Chad’s hand twitched over the siren button waiting for Kane to receive an answer from dispatch. Joy sat back in her jump seat in the back of the ambulance. Planting her feet, she took hold of the grab bar in anticipation of Chad taking off.  
_

_“A-a fire on Broadway.” The usually stoic Gen stuttered. The paramedics held their breath collectively, knowing what was coming next. “We have a-a m-man down.”  
_

_“Shit.” Chad pushed on the siren and tore off into traffic.  
_

_“Who?” Kane barked.  
_

_“I-I don’t know. Tommy called in the mayday.” She cut off with a sob.  
_

_They reached the site in a flash. Two fire engines sat in front of the smoldering remains of a two story house that had been in the middle of renovations. Hoses were strewn everywhere. The three paramedics didn’t spare it a glance. They were all too drawn to the prone motionless fireman in the grass. His boots and discarded helmet visible through the sea of his fellow crewmembers; the remnants of the fire no longer their greatest concern.  
_

_Joy grabbed her kit and launched herself out of the back of the ambulance, followed closely by Kane. She fought against the bile that rose in her throat as she pushed through the crowd. Another fireman was hunched over the hurt one applying chest compressions.  
_

_Her heart stopped completely when she heard Jared’s voice growl, “Come on Jen! Damn it!” before he stopped compressions so Tommy could give a rescue breath._  


_Jensen. Jensen was hurt. Jensen wasn’t breathing. Jensen was dying. Her brain was stuck on a loop. Instantly her heart began thundering in her ears. She saw Chad grab the kit from her frozen hand as he ran to Jen, but she couldn’t hear what he was yelling at her. The flashing lights were suddenly dizzying, she couldn’t move. She couldn’t feel. She couldn’t breathe. She was hazily aware of strong hands forcing her to the ground, sitting with her head between her knees. She felt her hand being lifted and placed on a solid chest. Feeling his lungs expand and contract, she looked up.  
_

_“Breathe with me Joy!” She read his lips and saw the concern on his soot covered face. She wondered when Jared had left Jen’s side to help her.  
_

_A deep rasping gasp for air snapped her out of it.  
_

_She scrambled out of Jared’s big hands and crawled to Jensen’s side. He wasn’t conscious, but he was breathing. Chris guided her shaking hand to the oxygen mask over his face. “Hold it. I gotta get the back board!”  
_

_She held on tight and leaned in close to his ear. Carding her other hand through his soaked hair, as she whispered love and encouragement to him.  
_

_“Stay with me Jen. Please. I am here. You’re going to be just fine. We gotcha. I love you so much.”  
_

_Quickly and efficiently Kane and Chad had him strapped to the back board and Jared and Tommy helped lift him on to the gurney. In no time flat, they were off in the ambulance. A sea of worried firemen in their wake.  
_

_Chris had held her tight in the waiting room as she wept on his shoulder. Time stood still while she cried. The waiting room was quickly filled with soot and smoke covered firemen, all still in uniform.  
_

_A grim faced Dr. Collins entered the room. He gave the men a tired smile and a stern nod before taking Joy by the hand. “He’s asking for you.” She followed him eagerly down the hall.  
_

_Three broken ribs, a punctured lung, a mild concussion, and severe smoke inhalation had turned her big strong Jensen into a small frail looking boy. Her heart broke at the sight of his ashen face under the oxygen mask. A pale shaky hand reached for her the instant she entered the room. She all but ran to his side, squeezing his hand in need of reassurance.  
_

_“I’m o-k.” He croaked out, his voice raw and sounding as if he’d gargled with gravel.  
_

_She buried her face in the crook of his neck and just breathed him in. He reeked of smoke and antiseptic but somehow under it all she found the spice of his aftershave and the smell that was purely Jensen. She let it comfort her and calm her frayed nerves. He’s still here. He’s ok. His hand gently squeezed the back of her neck, reassuring, comforting. I’m here. I’m here.  
_

_Two days later they had their biggest fight to date. His lungs and ribs were slowly mending and his hospital stay wasn’t ending soon enough for him.  
_

_“Why can’t I just go home?” he growled. “I can lay around in my own damn bed just the same.” His agitation had hit its peak when Misha had told him he wouldn’t be leaving the hospital for another few more days. His lungs needed more treatments to fully heal.  
_

_“Deep breaths Jen. If you set that heart monitor off you’ll never get out of here.” Joy tried to lighten the mood a little.  
_

_“I don’t want to take deep breaths. I want to go home!” He snapped, eyes full of anger.  
_

_“Hey! Don’t yell at me. If it were up to me, I’d lock you in here and never let you out of my sight again.”  
_

_“Don’t be so melodramatic.”  
_

_“A freaking building fell on you, Jensen! I almost lost you! I can’t go through that again!”  
_

_“Perks of the job, Love. You know that.”  
_

_“That’s just it! It doesn’t have to be! You could be one of us. You are just wasting your education and training anyway.”  
_

_His steely glare was meant as a warning, but she studiously ignored it and continued her tirade. “The firefighter gig was supposed to be temporary. You were supposed to join us! That was the plan! You are smarter than this!”  
_

_“No.” His voice so low she barely heard him.  
_

_“Please, just consider it!”  
_

_“I said no. Now just drop it, Joy!”  
_

_“I’m not going to drop it until you at least agree to consider the change.”  
_

_“I can’t. They need me.” He was trying desperately not to lose his temper. It was nearing impossible.  
_

_“Your dream was to be a paramedic. You went to school to be one. It’s how we met! It’s what you were meant to do!” She was pleading with him to understand.  
_

_“No. They need me.” He repeated himself a little louder and a lot angrier.  
_

_“I NEED YOU!” She screamed. “A building fell on you! Without Jared’s help you would have died! Why don’t you get that! I need you to NOT die in a fucking burning building!”  
_

_“Without me Jared would be dead.” He threw back at her, his voice thick with emotion.  
_

_“What?” Her voice suddenly small, the fight in her dying away.  
_

_“I pushed him out of the way. That beam would have taken his head clean off. Yeah, I got hurt, but he never would have survived that!” His anger was beginning to ebb at the thought of losing his lifelong best friend. “I saved him, he saved me. It’s how it works. You know this.”  
_

_“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.” She retorted stubbornly, not ready to concede her obvious defeat.  
_

A soft knock at the door brought her back to the present. She turned her back to the door as best she could. Not ready to deal with Dr. Benedict or a nurse again so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

“Hey Sweetheart.”  


Hearing that soft voice was not what she had been expecting. Fighting through a wave of emotions, she turned tear filled eyes to the man she loved more than anything. She let him pull her into the security of his loving embrace. Allowing the comfort to wash over her, she sobbed into his shoulder.  


“Oh, Love.” He rubbed her back and kissed her head, letting her soak his shirt in salt water. “We’ll get through this. It’s going to be all right. You’re going to be ok. We’ll fix this.”  


“No.” She pushed him away, furiously shaking her head. “No. I can’t. I won’t. There is no better. This is who I am now. I am broken, Jen. Nothing is going to change that.”  


“You are not broken. You just need a little help getting past this. Please, let them help you.” He pleaded with unshed tears shining in his eyes as he took her face in his hands.  


“You’re wrong.” She pulled away from him again. Anger now her primary emotion. “No. It’s over. My life is over! I have nothing left! Don’t you see? He took everything from me. My independence, my career. I have nothing! I am nothing!” She was yelling by the end.  


“Don’t say that!” he yelled back. “You have me! We –“  


“NO!” she roared, cutting him off. “There is no we! It’s over! Please understand that! I can’t be what you need!”  


He stared at her in shock. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this. There was so much he wanted to say. He needed to tell her that she was the only thing he would ever need. That he couldn’t survive without her. But he was frozen. His mouth and brain had disconnected.  


She took a stuttering breath, breaking the silence. “I think you should go now.” She looked away from him, her voice more in control.  


“Yeah, O-okay.” She didn’t pull away when he kissed her head again. She just closed her eyes and spoke softly. “And please don’t come back.”  


With a quiet snick of the door, he was gone.  


Chris stopped him in the hall. “What the hell happened?” His anxiety ratcheting up at the devastated look on Jensen’s face.  


“She doesn’t want to see me anymore. Said it’s over. I- I have to go.” He pushed passed a stunned Chris.  


“Jen, wait! We’ll fix this. I promise.”  


Jensen shook his head sadly, “Just take care of her Chris.” He turned and walked away, completely defeated.

*Chris* 

With frazzled nerves Chris took a deep breath and entered the room. To his surprise and slight relief, she wasn’t crying. Instead, she was furiously trying to rid herself of the leather strap tied to her left wrist that the nurses somehow missed.  


“Stupid worthless gimp hand.” She whispered as she raised her wrist to her mouth to try to use her teeth to get it off.  


“Here, let me.” He said quietly, pulling her hand away from her mouth. She startled slightly, having not noticed him enter the room.  


“C-can you give that back to him, please? I-I can’t stand to look at it anymore.” She kept her eyes trained away from him.  


He quickly shoved it into his pocket and sat down on the edge of her bed. “So, what do you need?”  


She quirked an eyebrow at him, silently urging him to elaborate.  


“What do we need to do to get you better?”  


She huffed out a deep breath. “Like I told Jen, there is no getting better. I am broken. I can’t be fixed.” She sounded exhausted and her voice hitched when she said his name.  


“No. I don’t accept that. I won’t let you give up that easily. Try again.”  


“I’m serious, Chris!” Her anger from before back in full force. “That bastard took everything from me! There is nothing left! I have nothing left!”  


“You have me. And Jensen. And Chad, Jared, Beaver, Genevieve, Danni. Should I go on?”  


“Stop. Please. I can’t be a burden to y’all. I won’t.” Angry tears streamed down her cheeks. “Everyone just needs to forget about me and move on with their lives. It’s for the best.” She tried to turn away from him, but he grabbed her chin and gently made her look at him.  


“You are NOT a burden.” He growled, letting his anger slip into his tone.  


“I am!” She pulled out of his grasp. “I can’t be left alone. I can’t take care of myself. I can’t contribute a damn thing! There is no point to my existence!”  


“What about love? Huh? Isn’t love enough?”  


“Chris.” She sighed sadly.  


“I love you so damn much! I am not going to give up on you! I am not going to let you give up!” He paused to heave a deep breath. “And what about Jensen? He loves you more than anything. And you just ripped his damn heart out!”  


“I am doing this for Jen!” She shrieked. “I have to let him go! He doesn’t need to be tied down to a depressed bed-ridden cripple! He deserves so much better than that! Better than me! He deserves a life that I can’t give him.” She slumped back into the pillow and let the tears silently flow.  


Chris lightly dropped a pamphlet into her lap, choosing to change tactics.  


She picked it up warily. “What’s Riverside TBI Center?”  


“It’s a rehabilitation center, in Marble Falls, that specializes in traumatic brain injuries. They have specialists in all areas from Physical Therapy to Counseling. They have a beautiful facility right on the 

Colorado River that has both long term and short term care. Dr. Benedict thinks it would be a good fit.”  


“So you want to ship me off to some home for people with cracked skulls?” Her anger showing through. She was still on edge.  


Chris rolled his eyes, refusing to take the bait. “They can help you learn to be independent again. They can teach you how to do things in a new way. They can help you get your life back!”  


Her face softened as she let his words sink in. “Can I have visitors there? Or will I be on lock down like I am here?”  


“Yes, you can have visitors, once you are cleared for them. But before you can even consider this, you have to talk with Dr. Benedict. Please.”  


Seeing the hurt in her brother’s eyes, she heaved a sigh, “Yeah. Ok. I think I’d like to try.”  


Chris let out his own sigh of relief and hugged her tight.  


“Under one condition.”  


He leaned away from the embrace, eyeing her warily. “What condition?”  


“You have to keep Jen away.”  


She held her hand up to halt his protest. “Hear me ou,t please.” She waited for him to nod before continuing. “I love him with all that I am and I always will. But I can’t do this with the constant worry that I am disappointing him. I can’t burden him anymore. We both need to move on.”  


Chris ran a tired hand down his face. He hated how this would destroy his best friend, but he knew he’d do anything if it meant saving his sister’s life. “Yeah, ok. As long as you promise to give this a go and talk to Dr. Benedict.”  


“I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

“Hey Jen! Hottie at 10 o’clock checking you out!” Mike nudged him with his elbow, wagging his eyebrows.  


“She’s all yours Rosy.” Jensen replied without looking up from the beer label he was peeling.  


“Nah man. She’s only got eyes for you. You should go for it.”  


“I said I am not interested.” His tone gruffer than the last time he spoke.  


“Come on Jenny-boy! It’s been six months! Go on, have some fun! Ow! Damn Tommy, what’d ya hit me for?” Mike rubbed the sore spot on the back of his head.  


“Just shut your mouth Mike.” Tom grumbled at his oblivious friend.  


“And you wonder why he never comes out with us anymore.” Jared said under his breath, shaking his head at their friends’ antics.  


“Ok, fine I get it. No girls. But that just means more booze. I am going to get another round!” Mike quickly escaped the table.  


In his absence, the conversation quickly changed to Jared complaining about wedding plans. He was grumbling about Genevieve’s new obsession with seating charts, when Jensen’s phone rang. Pulling it out of his jeans pocket he saw that it was a number he didn’t recognize.  


“ ‘Lo?”  


“Jen?” His entire body went instantly cold at the soft voice on the other end.  


“Um, hang on a sec.” He shot up from his chair. Jared eyed him curiously. “I need to take this outside.” He gestured to his phone and all but ran out the door.  


Once around the corner from the hustle and bustle for the Roadhouse he took a deep breath and put the phone back to his ear. “Um, hi.”  


“Hi. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”  


“No. No, I was just having a beer with Jay, Rosy and Tommy.”  


“How are you Jen?” God, he missed that voice.  


“Good.” He tried to clear the sudden lump in his throat. “I’m good. H-How are you?”  


“I am doing much better.”  


“Good. That- That’s real good.”  


“So um, I don’t want to keep you, but um, there’s this family day thing next weekend.” Her voice was suddenly very unsure. “And I don’t know if you would even want to, but um, I was hoping maybe you would come?”  


“Oh, uh.” He really hadn’t expected that.  


“It- It’s ok if you don’t. I mean Chris said he’d come, so it’s not like I’ll be alone or anything. I- I just really miss you and I totally understand if you don’t want to see me. But I hope you’ll at least think about it.” The words came rushing out in a way that she only spoke when she was nervous or anxious. “It’s Saturday, just anytime. If- if you want. Um, so, I hope to see you. I’ll let you get back to your friends. Have a good night. Bye Jen.”  


She hung up before he even had a chance to wrap his head around what she had said. She wanted to see him. She missed him.  


He stamped out the flame of hope that started to ignite deep in his soul and wandered back inside.  


His friends had been laughing loudly before he approached the table. They cut off immediately when they saw him.  


“Shit! Jensen, is everything ok? You’re white as a sheet!” Tommy pulled his chair out for him and he gratefully flopped into it, staring blankly into nothing.  


“What happened? Is it your parents? Is everyone all right?” Jared’s worried questions snapped him out of it.  


“What? Yeah, no they’re fine. That-” He cleared his throat and tried again, “That was Joy.”  


“Is she ok?” Jared’s sincere concern for her well being brought a small smile to his face.  


“Yeah, she sounded good.” He realized he had a shot of tequila sitting in front of him and he began toying with it while he spoke. “She wants to see me. There’s a family day or something next weekend. She asked me to come.”  


“You’re going, right?”  


Six months’ worth of anger and hurt came flooding in as he tried to answer Tom’s simple question.  


“I honestly don’t know if I should.” His voice much harsher than before. Merely hinting at the storm that was brewing inside. He angrily downed his shot, slamming the glass on the table harder than necessary. The others stared at him cautiously.  


“Damn it! Six months! Six fucking months without a word! Not a single damn word. Chris wouldn’t even tell me shit. And now, suddenly out of the blue she expects me to just show up like none of it happened?”  


As the burn of the tequila settled into his blood stream so did his rage. “I pulled her lifeless body from that tub! Me! I’m the one who had to bring her back! I dealt with the fall out! And she just tossed me out like I don’t matter! Like the past six years don’t mean shit!”  


“Jen, hey, calm down.” Jared put a placating hand on his shoulder, noticing others were starting to stare.  


Jensen shook his hand off. “I need to go.” He stood suddenly. “I need to think.” He stormed out, leaving three very worried friends behind.

Saturday morning, Jensen found himself standing in front of The Riverside TBI Center. The hour’s drive hadn’t taken nearly long enough. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for this.  


Stepping inside, he was met with a cheerful smile from a grey haired woman in glasses who was sitting behind a big reception desk.  


“Hello Sugar. Who are you here to see?” Her thick Texas accent reminded him of his momma. He liked her instantly.  


“Joy Kane, mam.”  


“Oh! You must be her Jen, then. She talks about you all the time. You’re even more handsome than I imagined.” She gushed as she slid a clipboard towards him. “If you’ll just sign in, I’ll find someone to help you get to Ms. Kane’s room.”  


As he filled out the sign in sheet, a large man in pure white scrubs approached the desk. “Ty, darling, will you help,” She glanced down at the sheet, “Mr. Ackles get to Ms. Kane’s room please?”  


“Yes mam.” He drawled, blue eyes shining as he smiled. “Except I just saw Miss Joy out in the court yard.” He turned to Jensen, “Follow me, please.”  


Jensen nodded his thanks to the receptionist and followed Ty down a long hall. His nerves feeling more frazzled with each step. He still had no idea what he was going to say when he finally saw her. Ty stopped just outside, holding the door open. “There’s your girl.” He pointed across the grass to a small grouping of tables under a gazebo styled roof.  


“Thank you.” He said slightly breathless.  


Ty pat him on the shoulder, “Anytime brother.” And headed back inside.  


Jensen just stood and stared for a moment. She was dressed comfortably for the warm Texas spring day, in a light grey v-neck t-shirt and black yoga pants. Her right hand encased in a brace of some sort, her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was perched on a quite expensive looking red electric wheelchair. And she was hunched over something on the table. She looked wonderful. Upon closer inspection, she appeared to be writing something, left handed.  


A surge of pride and love drove him forward. He barely registered the small groupings of other residents with visiting family scattered around, but he only had eyes for her, his Joy.  


She looked up when a shadow fell over her notebook. She’d been practicing writing the alphabet, he noticed. She dropped her pen when their eyes met.  


“You came.” She breathed. “I didn’t think you would.”  


“You asked. Of course I came”  


Relief replaced apprehension in her features as he smiled and sat down across from her. He ignored the flicker of hope trying desperately to ignite in his chest.  


“You look good.”  


She chuckled, looking down at herself. “So do you.”  


They sat in awkward silence for the first time in nearly ten years of knowing each other. He watched her fiddle with the end of her brace for a moment before asking, “How are you?”  


“I’m better. I am getting better. I- I…” She paused, she seemed to be arranging what she wanted to say. He waited with baited breath. “Look Jen, it was selfish of me to ask you to come. I just really wanted to see you. I know that I don’t have the right, but I miss you, so much.” When she finally looked up her eyes were shining with unshed tears. “I was hoping, if you didn’t hate me too much, that maybe we could try to be friends again?”  


He felt his heart fracture a little more at her words. Friends. He didn’t think he could do it. “No.” The word came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.  


“Oh, I understand. I wanted you to move on. So, that’s probably for the best. Um. Thank you for coming. Um. I’m just going to…” She looked like she was trying to find a way to escape.  


He put his hand on hers to stop her rambling and to keep her from fleeing. “No, I don’t want to be friends. I want to go back to what we once were.” As he said it, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was the truth. “I didn’t move on. I can’t. You are it for me, Joy. I love you and that is never going to change.” The tears in her eyes were flowing freely now. “Unless that’s not what you want.”  


“Oh Jen.” She sobbed. “I am so sorry. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve put you through. I thought you’d be happier without me. I thought…“  


“Hey, Shhhh.” He quickly knelt beside her wheelchair, her face in his hands. “I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”  


She leaned forward and laid her forehead on his, trying to calm down. “Please know, I never stopped loving you. It was never about that. I just- I just…” She took a shuddering breath. “I love you, too.”  


Jensen surged upwards capturing her lips with his, hands still gently holding her face. The kiss was soft, yet filled with the passion they clearly still felt for each other. It wasn’t long and tasted of saltwater, but it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

Jensen couldn’t believe how fast the past two months had flown by. They had talked and texted all hours of everyday getting reacquainted. He drove up to see her on all of his days off. He felt like they were finally getting back to normal.  


He walked into her room to find her huddled over a newspaper, circling what appeared to be classified ads. Curious, he made his way over and peered over her shoulder. She jolted in surprise at the soft words whispered in her ear, “Whatcha doin?”  


She folded the paper as fast as she could and stuffed it between her thigh and the side of her chair. “Hi Jen! I didn’t know you were coming today.”  


He bent down and gave her a quick chaste kiss. “Surprise! I had the day off. I had to go for my final tux fitting for Jay’s wedding this morning. So, I thought I’d spend the rest of my day with you.”  


“That’s great! I am glad you’re here.” She beamed up at him.  


“Me too. So, what were you doing?”  


“Oh um, well, I had a meeting with my care team this morning and they think I am ready.”  


“Ready?” He took a seat on the edge of her bed so that she didn’t have to strain her neck to talk to him.  


“To go. Move on. Go back to Austin.”  


Jensen’s heart nearly leapt out of his throat.  


“They’ve got me all set up with Dr. Speight for regular counselling and with Justin Hartley over at Austin Physical Therapy Center.”  


“That’s awesome!”  


“Yeah, so now I just have to find a place to live before they kick me out of here in two weeks.”  


“What? What do you mean?” Confusion suddenly replaced his excitement.  


“Well, it’s not like I can go crash on Chris and Dani’s couch.”  


“Oh. I just- I just thought-” He cut himself off, looking at the floor as his world suddenly came crashing down around him, again.  


She stared at him, clearly confused by his odd reaction.  


“I thought we were good.” His voice just above a whisper as he stood to leave.  


“We are.” She reached for his hand to halt his retreat. “Jen, what’s gotten you so upset?”  


“I thought you were coming home.”  


“I am.”  


“No, our home. The house we bought together. Home.”  


She stared at him waiting for him to look up from the floor, to make eye contact. “It’s only been two months. I didn’t want to presume, I didn’t think you were ready.”  


“It’s been nearly seven years! Sure, we had a hiccup, but I meant what I said. I want us to go back to how we were. I have never stopped loving you. I don’t want us to start over!” He took hold of her hands, trying desperately to get her to understand.  


“I never stopped loving you either, Jen.”  


“Then it’s decided. You are coming home with me. To our home. Where you belong.”  


She took a deep breath and stared into his eyes. Seeing nothing but pure sincerity in them she nodded. “I’m sorry. You’re right. We need to move forward, not backward. Yes, I will come home with you. I love you, Jensen.”  


He bent down and wiped the tears from her cheek. “I love you, too.” And then he kissed her.

 

“That won’t do.” Jensen stood in his bathroom staring at the very wheelchair unfriendly shower stall. He blindly pulled out his phone and hit speed #3.  


“Hey Jenny, what’s up?”  


“Guess who’s coming home, Chris?”  


“Shit son. Really?”  


“Yeah man. And I only have two weeks to get this house ready.”  


“Never fear Jenny! There’s bound to be enough Mr. Fix-it skills at the station to get it done. Plus, I have excellent connections to get us the best in home medical equipment.” Jensen could hear the excitement ringing in Chris’s voice. It helped to make it all feel more real to him.  


The next morning he stood on his front porch, cup of coffee in hand, still donning his pjs, watching in fascination as truck after truck pulled up to his house, full of tools, equipment, and friends.  


“I brought reinforcements!” Chris called out as he got out of his truck, tool box in hand.  


Jared, Tommy, Rosy, Amell, Beaver, and Morgan all piled out of their respective vehicles and joined them on the porch.  


“Kane, you and Amell give me a hand with framing up a ramp over these stairs.” Police Chief JD Morgan started barking orders as soon as they were all assembled. “Jared, Tommy and Rosy, you get to work on the bathroom modifications. Jensen, Chief Beaver and Chad need your help with something. Alright! Let’s get to work boys!” He clapped his hands and headed to the lumber truck that he had driven to the house.  


Jensen watched enthralled as his friends all got to work. Chief Beaver clapped him on the back. “So, Murray’s on his way with some special equipment that we need to set up. I just need you to show me where you keep your computer.”  


“Oh, um. We have an office.” He beckoned his boss to follow and headed inside, and down the hall to their small home office.  


An older model desktop computer sat in the middle of a large oak desk that was pushed in front of a large window. “So, what’s-” Jensen was cut off by Chad entering the room. He was carrying a large box with a bunch of wires sticking out and what looked like a brand new flat screen monitor.  


“There’s a phone line in here right? And I hope you have high speed internet. Wow! How do you use this dinosaur?”  


“Yes to both.” Jensen hurried to get out of Chad’s way as he set the box on the desk and started unloading it.  


“So, what is all this?”  


“Well, I have a job to offer Miss Kane. And I figured if we had it all set up, she couldn’t object.” Jim said with a fond smile.  


“A job?” Jensen’s eyebrows hit his hairline.  


“Yup. Can’t let all her talent and knowledge go to waste. We want her to be our Emergency Consultant.”  


“Emergency Consultant?”  


“I am hooking this all up to be directly linked to Genevieve at dispatch.” Chad explained.  


At Jensen’s continued look of confusion, Jim continued to explain further. “Not only can she help Gen with an influx of calls, but she can give detailed medical assistance over the phone when an emergency needs a little something extra.”  


“You know she’s the best of all of us, Jen. She can talk anyone through anything; from giving birth to basic first aid. Think of the possibilities. She can help so many people while they wait for us to get there.” Chad chimed in.  


Jensen quickly sat on the loveseat behind him before the weight of this came crashing through him. She’d have a job. She’d be helping people like she had always wanted. She’d have the purpose again that she thought she’d lost forever.  


“Oh Jim.” His voice barely above a whisper. “You know you’re saving her with all of this, right?”  


“It’s what family does, boy. Besides, it’s about time we brought our little station into the 21st century.” His voice was gruff and his words casual, but Jensen could see the depth of emotion burning in his eyes. He wasn’t the only one who nearly lost her.  


After leaving Chad in all his techy glory, he got dressed and wandered out front to see if anyone needed help. He caught motion in his peripheral and turned to find a man standing in the bed of his black Silverado. “Hey man! What are you doing in my truck?” He called out as he crossed the lawn to his driveway.  


“Oh.” The man jumped down and held out a clipboard. “I have a signed invoice from a Mr. Paddlekey. The plates on this truck match the invoice.”  


“Padalecki.” Jared said from behind Jensen. He clapped him on the back with a conspiratorial grin as Jensen took hold of the clipboard.  


“Jay, what is this?”  


“A wheelchair lift for the truck. I didn’t think your back could handle lifting that beast into the truck bed over and over.”  


“How- I mean-”  


“Kane’s not the only one with connections.” Jared winked.  


“Jay, this is too much. I can’t let you.”  


“Jen, man, don’t worry about it. A friend of my dad runs the company. We got a great deal on it. Please, just let me do this.”  


Jensen didn’t miss the small flash of guilt in Jared’s eyes. He knew his best friend harbored unnecessary guilt over what had happened to Joy. He never out right said it, but Jensen knew that Jared believed if he hadn’t been freaking out about proposing then she never would have been attacked. It was clearly unfounded, but Jensen decided long ago not to call him out on it. And if this helped Jay get over it, then he’d let him.  


“Wow. Ok Jay. Thank you so much!” He handed the clipboard back to the man with a nod and hugged Jared. 

By the end of the two weeks their house had been turned completely wheelchair friendly. From a complete remodel of their bathroom to a lowered kitchen island. All of the kitchen cabinets had been reorganized to give Joy more access, as well as every closet in the house. A new dining table, an elevating recliner, and a new hospital style bed were all brought in courtesy of Kane’s “connections”. 

Jensen tried not to question too much about how it was all being paid for. Kane always said the same thing; “It’s been taken care of.”  


On the Friday before Joy’s return, Jensen and Jared were stocking the fridge for the welcome home BBQ they had planned for the next evening. A loud horn honking alerted them to the front yard where a large moving truck was parked.  


“Do you know what that’s about?” Jensen eyed Jared suspiciously.  


“Nah man, no clue.” Jared clapped him on the back as he passed him to head outside. “Let’s go see.”  


Chris hopped out of the passenger side of the truck as Jensen and Jared made their way into the yard.  


“Hey Jenny-boy! Got one last delivery for you.” Chris smiled wide, eyes alight with excitement.  


“Kane, what did you do now?”  


“Nothing. This one’s on me.” A fourth voice sounded from around the truck as a blonde man rounded the front.  


“Hartley? What are you doing here?”  


Justin shook hands in greeting with Jensen and Jared. “Hey man. We come bearing gifts.”  


At Jensen’s confused expression, Justin continued. “I had my preliminary consult with your girl a few days ago. And after my initial assessment, I realized that the PT center was seriously lacking the proper equipment to help her. So, I talked to Chris and he suggested we tap into the Kane Fund. Then we decided it would be easiest to just set it up here since you have such a large garage. And it would be so much easier on her for me to come to her.”  


“Wait. What? Kane Fund?”  


“It’s a charitable account we had set up after of the donations started to roll in.” Chris explained with a shrug.  


“Donations?” Jensen was bewildered by this revelation.  


“After Joy’s attack hit the news, donations started flooding the firehouse. Everyone in town wanted to help. She has helped so many people, they wanted to do something for her.” Jared explained.  


“Several alumni from Pi Delta Omega sent rather large donations. Probably trying to buy back their reputation, but the money has helped a lot.” Chris smirked.  


“Why don’t I know about all of this?”  


“Because you had enough on your plate.” Jared’s voice was full of sympathy.  


“Wow.” Jensen’s voice was hushed and full of emotion. “Does Joy know about any of this?”  


“No.” Chris chuckled, “you know she’d have objections.”  


Jensen nodded, releasing a long breath. “Thank you. It’s too much, but thank you for making sure she was taken care of.”  


“Always.” Chris gave a sharp nod.  


“Now,” Justin rubbed his hands together, “who’s ready to unload this truck?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

*Joy*

It had been an emotionally exhausting yet very happy day. She was deeply affected by the overpowering love that was poured onto her by their friends and family. She had been hugged and welcomed home by Jensen’s parents, brother and sister, all of FD station 10 and their respective families, and a handful of the local PD. She felt well and truly loved, and was so grateful for each and every one of them.

After being lead around the house by an overexcited Jensen and Chris to be shown all the upgrades to the house, she was taken to the office. Chad and Chief Beaver were waiting for her and explained the new position they were offering with a very flexible start date. She thought her tears would never cease. 

She had asked for a few moments to compose herself. Once back under control of her emotions, she followed the sound of music outside. She travelled down the ramp and along the freshly paved walk way around to the back yard. The newly constructed mezzanine had been transformed into a makeshift stage for Kane and his band. She took a moment to drink in the sight of their friends and family scattered about the yard. Alan Ackles was manning the grill, while JD Morgan and Jim Beaver chatted him up. Jared and Gen were helping Donna Ackles set up the food tables. There were chairs scattered about the yard and were filled with the rest of their crew. She rounded the corner of the mezzanine, seemingly unnoticed, just in time to see Chris pull Jensen up onto the makeshift stage. She moved closer as they started singing Crazy Love. Danni passed by with a squeeze to the shoulder and handed her a glass of sweet tea. When she looked up again she locked eyes with Jensen. He gave her the best smile she’d ever seen. The song ended and the yard erupted in loud cheers as Jensen launched himself off the stage rock star style, landing right in front of her. He stole her tea and chugged it before placing it on the ground. 

“Thank you! Thank you all for being here to welcome our girl back home.” He paused for more cheers and applause before bringing the mic back up. He reached down for her wheelchair controls and turned her around so she was facing everyone. The yard was suddenly silent. She blushed as she realized all eyes were on her. 

“Joy, I am so grateful to have you home again, where you belong.” He took her hand and continued. “You are the single most important thing in my entire life. And I can’t bear the thought of losing you.” With tears shining in his eyes he handed the mic to Chris who suddenly appeared beside him. Jensen pulled a diamond ring from his pocket and dropped to one knee. Chris held the mic out so Jensen could continue. “I know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it. I love you so damn much and I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Will you please be my wife?” 

Tears poured down her face as a lump began to rise in her throat. She wasn’t able to speak, so she nodded her acceptance. Jensen’s face broke out into her favorite smile as he slid the ring onto its new home, before he surged forward into a blinding kiss. The once silent yard erupted once again in celebration. They broke apart with a chuckle as the band played their rendition of When a Man Loves a Woman. And they were quickly swarmed with hugs of congratulations. 

The next few weeks flew by after an announcement from Jared and Genevieve that their wedding was being moved up, shot gun style. Gen was three months pregnant and her parents demanded that the wedding be before she began to truly show. Jensen had teased Jay mercilessly but dutifully fulfilled his best man’s duties. Truth be told, all of them were over the moon that Jay and Gen were to be parents soon. 

On the day of the wedding, Jensen had been out early to retrieve Jared’s parents from their hotel and deliver them to the church. Joy spent the morning fretting over the day’s events. She loved Jared and Genevieve like family, but she really wasn’t looking forward to today. It was days like this that she really hated being wheelchair bound. 

“Jen?” she called out when she heard the front door close. “Could you give me a hand, please?” She turned to look expectantly towards their bedroom door. A small gasp left her lips at the sight of him. He was absently adjusting the dark blue tie of his crisp black tuxedo. His hair was artfully spiked and he wore her favorite beautiful smile. “You look dashing!” 

“Now, now. I can’t be outshining the groom.” He teased. “But you might out shine the bride.” He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. 

Her smile fell away. “That’s why I turned down Gen for the bridesmaid position.” She looked down at her hands in her lap. “I don’t need to make a spectacle on her big day.” 

“Hey, don’t.” He quickly knelt down in front of her trying to catch her eyes. 

“Its fine, Jen. Can you just help me zip up?” She leaned forward to give him access to the zipper on her sapphire blue dress. He stood and silently obeyed. “Thank you.” She smoothed down the front of her dress. “Could you get my sleeve please?” She watched him cross the room to her dresser to retrieve the compression sleeve she wore under her arm brace. She told people it was or circulation, but he knew she really used it to hide the scars of her near fatal self-inflicted wounds. 

He helped her put them on. Then she gave herself one last glance in the mirror and plastered on her most genuine fake smile. “Ready.” She chirped. 

Jensen smiled back, not quite convinced, and followed her to the truck. 

At the church, she was able to forget her sour mood for a little while as she was happily greeted by all of her beloved groomsmen friends and of course the groom himself. The Padaleckis were very happy to see her. They insisted that she sit with Jensen’s family in the second row, declaring she was family too. Jensen was too happy to deposit her on the pew next to his momma. Smiling brightly he drove her chair to the far side of the room to be parked out of the way. She couldn’t help but feel slightly relieved that she could pretend to be somewhat normal during the ceremony. 

The ceremony was long, stuffy, and overly traditional. At one point Joy felt her hand being grabbed and squeezed gently. She looked over to see Donna dabbing her eyes with her free hand. “That will be you up there real soon, sweetheart.” She whispered into Joy’s ear. 

She could only smile and nod. The thought suddenly terrified her. She tried her best to ignore her inner voice telling her she wasn’t good enough, and pay attention as two of her best friends exchanged vows. 

At the reception she couldn’t ignore the stares. Genevieve’s family seemed unsure of what to make of the cripple with the best man. She sat alone at their table and watched the Ackles mingle and Jensen dance. He took turns with Genevieve, Jared’s mom and sister, as well as his own. It broke her heart that she couldn’t join him. She couldn’t wait to go home. 

“May I have this dance?” A deep rumble sounded from her left. 

She let out a startled giggle, “Jay, you don’t have to.” 

“You are my second best girl. It’s a requirement that you dance with me at my wedding.” He left no room for argument as he gestured towards the dance floor. 

She tried to ignore the staring and the whispers, but it felt like every eye in the room was on her as she wheeled out to the dance floor with the groom trailing behind. 

He bent down and took her hands in his when she stopped. “Jay, I don’t know how-“ 

“Just follow my lead.” His dimples flashed as he reached over to her controller and made her twirl in a circle. She couldn’t help but laugh at his antics. A happy Jared was always contagious. She did her best to move to the music as he danced around her. She soon noticed the beaming faces of her favorite people were circling around them. 

“May I cut in?” Chris’ husky voice cut through the music as another upbeat song began. 

Jared relinquished her hand with a bow and a flourish. He boogied himself over to steal his bride away from her current dance partner. 

“Having fun?” Chris asked as he twirled her around like Jared had. 

“I am now. Thanks to you guys.” 

She managed to dance with nearly every member of FD10 before the music changed to a slow dance. She excused herself from Chad’s presence with the intention to return to her table when a hand caught hers on the controls and made her turn back the way she came. 

“Where do you think you are going?” The deep voice rumbled in her ear sending a shiver down her spine. “Don’t I get a turn?” 

“Jen, I don’t think the slow music will work the same.” She tried not to let her voice waver too much, avoiding eye contact. 

“Nonsense. Come dance with me. Please?” 

She heaved a sigh. “If you want to look like a fool.” He placed a finger under her chin and made her look at him. 

“Hey, no. I want to dance with the love of my life at my best friend’s wedding.” 

She had always been powerless to his big beautiful pleading eyes. “OK.” She had no idea how to do this, but she couldn’t say no to that. 

As they entered the scattered couples dancing, she saw the bride and groom twirl toward them, huge smiles aimed their way. She smiled back as she stopped in front of Jensen. She looked up at him, uncertain what to do, embarrassment creeping up her cheeks. She felt foolish just sitting in the middle of the dancing couples. She was about to tell Jen that she wanted to go back to the table when he suddenly swayed his hips to the music a couple of times and spun himself in a circle. She watched in half amazement and half amusement as he dropped to his knees in front of her, wrapping one arm around her waist and taking her hand in his other. He rested their entwined hands over his heart and leaned his forehead on hers. He slowly rocked them side to side, to the music. 

“God, I love you so much.” She suddenly blurted out, unable to contain her emotions over the magnitude of what he’d just done for her. 

He chuckled, “I love you too.” 

As she glanced around she saw that they were surrounded by people they loved; Jared and Gen, Chris and Danni, Donna and Alan, Sharon and Gerry Padalecki, Chad and Sophia Bush, JD and his wife Samantha, Jim and his wife Kim, Tommy and Mike and their dates, not a judgmental look amongst them. She let the shame and embarrassment wash away and allowed herself to enjoy the moment with them. 

Later that night, she found Justin Hartley and had a private conversation with him in the hall. 

“I want to walk down the aisle. I want to dance with Jensen at my wedding. Can you help me, Justin?” 

“It will take time and a lot of hard work.” 

“Does that mean you think we can do it?” 

“It means, I know you can do it.” He smiled at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

*Jensen*  


About five months after the wedding, Jensen decided to head home early to check on his ill fiancé after his many texts had gone unanswered. He had left her that morning with strict instructions to lay low all day since her cough and fever hadn’t gotten better over the weekend.  


The house was pitch black and silent as he entered. Knowing she would be asleep in bed, he quickly grabbed a Gatorade from the fridge and headed to their room.  


Shallow wheezing alerted him immediately. She sounded like she was struggling to get a breath. He ran to the bed, flipping on the light as he went. “Joy?” He reached out to shake her bare shoulder, it was scalding hot. “Shit. Joy? Love? Wake up.” He tried again and received no response. He grabbed the thermometer off of the nightstand and ran it across her forehead, while he pulled out his cell with the other hand and hit speed dial #3. The thermometer beeped, it read 104.9F. He threw it on the bed and ran to the kitchen. He tore a bag of ice from the freezer and ran back to the tub, pouring it in. The phone line finally picked up as he turned the tap on cold to fill the tub.  


“Hey Jenny! What’s up?”  


“Kane, ambulance, now! My house!” He roared into the phone.  


“Dammit Jen! What the hell is going on?”  


Jensen took a deep breath as he heard the ambulance siren suddenly scream through the phone. “Joy’s temp is 104.9 and she’s barely breathing!” He ran back to their bedroom, shoving his phone in his pocket in his haste. Scooping her burning body up, he ran back to the tub and gently placed her inside. She gasped for air at the touch of the ice water to her skin, but didn’t regain consciousness. 

He could hear the siren echoing outside as well as through his abandoned phone. Before he knew it, he could hear the front door slam open and boots running down the hall.  


Chris helped haul her from the tub, soaking pjs and all, and within minutes they were flying down the road towards the ER.  


The familiarity of the situation felt sickening to him as yet again he watched her get whisked away. Chris and Chad both holding him back. Danni’s voice echoing down the hall, “She’s seizing!” He was certain his fractured heart couldn’t take much more of this. He could still hear her raspy gasps for air, see her blue lips, and feel the scorching heat of her skin.  


Dr. Collins emerged before the panic could fully take hold. His bleak expression made Jensen’s knees buckle. Chris caught him and helped him to a chair.  


“Is she- I mean- How-“ Chris tried to ask but his words failed him.  


“I’m not going to lie. It’s bad.” He motioned for Chris to have a seat next to Jensen, then pulled one for himself in front of them. “She has a severe form of double lobe, double lung pneumonia. The fever caused a seizure. But we’ve got that under control. She’s on oxygen and a broad spectrum antibiotic.”  


Both Chris and Jensen sighed in relief.  


Misha’s expression hadn’t changed. Jensen braced himself for bad news. “And?”  


“She’s extremely anemic. And her white blood cell count is incredibly high. This is presenting like an immune deficient form of pneumonia. We won’t know for certain until we run more tests, but I am afraid it might be a form of Leukemia.”  


“Oh God.” Jensen’s voice barely croaks out. “Can we see her?”  


“She’s been moved to isolation. We need to protect her from further infection.”  


Chris made an audible sound of distress, still unable to form words.  


“There is a small observation room I can take you to. But she’s basically in quarantine until we know more.”  


Dr. Collins led them up to the fourth floor to the isolation part of the ICU. “She hasn’t regained consciousness, and I don’t expect she will until the fever breaks.” Misha said as he watched them approach the window. They both looked so defeated. He wanted to do something to help them. “If you’d like, I can have you both tested for infections and then you can sit with her.”  


Two sets of hopeful eyes snapped to his.  


“Yes.” “Please.”  


“I will get a nurse to come draw some blood and we can go from there.”  


“Thank you Misha.”  


A quick and efficient nurse came and left in a blink of the eye.  


“What are we going to do man?” Chris’ voice broke the silence once they were alone.  


“Whatever she needs.”  


They continued to stare through the glass in silence. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest their only comfort. Jensen tried to keep his thoughts away from dark paths, but it was easier said than done. He was terrified she’d never wake up. Even more so, he was worried how she would react if she did wake up to have a possible cancer diagnosis.  


They were finally happy again. She was finally happy again. She had fought her way back from the dark road she had been lost on. There had been nothing but goodness and light in their future. But this, this he was afraid would undo all of it. This could certainly take her away from him forever.  


A quiet knock interrupted his thoughts. Dr. Collins entered the small room followed by the same nurse as earlier. She was pushing an I.V. stand. Jensen eyed it questioningly.  


“I have the test results for you guys. Chris you are good to go. Nancy here will take you to get scrubbed up and you can go sit with Joy.” He turned to Jensen, “and you unfortunately tested positive for infection. It appears you have the same bug that put her in there.”  


“Did- Did I get her sick?” panic evident in his voice.  


“It’s hard to say. But I’d guess that since you don’t have any symptoms yet, that she gave it to you.”  


“So that’s for me then?” He pointed to the I.V.  


“Yes. Nancy, go ahead and get him set up, please. You’ll need a strong course of antibiotics for twenty-four hours. Then we can run your blood again. If it’s better, you can join Chris.”  


“Can I stay in here?”  


“Yes, consider this your own personal quarantine room.”  


“Thank you, Misha.” He hadn’t noticed that nurse Nancy was already finished placing the I.V. in his hand until she stepped away from him.  


“When you’re ready, Mr. Kane, I can get you ready to see your sister.” She said.  


“May I have a minute with Jensen first?”  


“Of course. I’ll wait for you in the hall.” She stepped out of the room followed by Dr. Collins.  


Chris waited for the door to close before speaking. “Jen, I-“  


“Hey, don’t. It’s alright. I’m just glad one of us can go in. I don’t want her to be alone.”  


“But, I-“  


“Chris, its fine. Really. I will join you tomorrow. Please, just go. She’s been by herself long enough.” He pointed to the door.  


“Yeah, ok man.” He left without another word.  


Jensen walked back to the viewing window. His eyes never left her still form as he pulled out his phone and dialed his speed dial #2.  


“Hey man, everything ok? Chief wants to know why you didn’t come back.”  


Jensen took a stuttering breath before answering. “Jay, she’s in the ICU. It’s bad, man. So bad.” His voice cracked at the end.  


“Shit. Okay man, what do you need?” Jared was always his rock. It’s why he called him first.  


“She’s in isolation. I can’t go in until I have a round of antibiotics. Chris has been cleared to go in, but I am in quarantine.”  


“Damn. That is bad. What is it?”  


“Severe pneumonia, but” He needed to breathe. He suddenly couldn’t get enough air.  


“Jen! Man, calm down. I’m on my way. Okay?”  


He pulled himself together enough to answer. “It could be cancer, Jay.” He managed to croak out.  


Jared let out a long breath. “Okay, Jen. I will be there soon. We’ll get through this. I gotcha brother.”  


“Thanks Jay.” Jensen hung up on a sniffle. He stared through the window, once again seeking comfort from the rise and fall of her chest as he let the tears flow.

 

“You’re clear to go in.” Dr. Collins’ voice cut through the silence. He was holding the lab results from earlier that morning. Jensen hadn’t heard him enter the room. Jensen just nodded numbly. He was exhausted, he hadn’t slept at all.  


“Come on. We’ll go in together.”  


After getting surgically scrubbed and dressed in white scrubs, they entered the isolation room. Chris was slumped in a chair next to the bed, holding Joy’s hand. He jerked awake as they entered. 

Seeing the pure exhaustion etched into Jensen’s face, he immediately relinquished his chair. Jensen gladly took his place. He only had eyes for Joy, but Chris watched diligently as Dr. Collins looked over the machines in the room.  


“Any news, Doc?”  


Dr. Collins sighed. “Yes, I have a definitive diagnosis now. She has Myelodysplastic Syndrome. Which is a blood disorder that develops into a fast growing, severe form of leukemia called, Myelogenous Leukemia.”  


Jensen lowered his forehead to rest on her shoulder. He had no words.  


But all business, Chris asked, “What’s the treatment?”  


“Generally, we’d start with chemo and radiation, while trying to find a bone marrow donor.”  


“I hear a but in there.”  


“Yes. But, with her unconscious state and the unknown state of the damage caused by the fever and subsequent seizures, it’s advisable to wait.”  


Nodding, Chris continued, “But we can at least start the search for a donor, right?”  


“Yes, in fact, we already started. She is fairly high on the national donor list. I’ve already submitted both of yours. I figured you’d want me to. Unfortunately, neither of you is a match.”  


“Thank you.” Jensen’s voice was a mere whisper from across the room.  


Misha nodded, “Now, we wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed back is appreciated. Thanks y'all for reading


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

Nearly thirty-six hours later, Jensen was awakened from his uncomfortable slump, by fingers gently carding through his hair. The shock of it nearly knocked him off of his chair.  


“Oh thank God!” He grabbed her face and gently kissed her lips. “How are you feeling?”  


“Uuuuuuu.” Was all that she managed. She scrunched her face and cleared her throat. “Uuuuuu.” She tried again.  


Jensen recognized her panicked expression. “Calm down, Love.” He rubbed soothingly up and down her arm.  


She shook her head frantically. She knew something was severely wrong. “Uuuuuu! Uuuuu!” She gestured wildly toward her mouth and throat. Trying desperately to get him to understand.  


“Okay. Okay. Let’s get someone to take a look at you. Just try to stay calm.” He pushed the nurse call button on the side of the bed.  


“Nurse’s station.” A tinny voice answered.  


“She’s awake. We need the doctor ASAP. Something’s wrong!” His voice clearly giving away the gravity of the situation.  


“I’ll page Dr. Collins, right away.”  


Jensen was trying desperately to keep her calm when a harried Chris entered. He was just returning from a coffee run and had been waiting at the nurse’s station to be let in, when he overheard Jensen’s call for help.  


“Hey, what’s going on?” If the tone of Jensen’s call hadn’t clued him into the dire circumstances, then the tears streaming down Joy’s face certainly did.  


“Nnuuuuuu! Uuuuu!” Uncontrolled sobs cut off her attempt to speak.  


Chris gaped in surprise as Jen tried unsuccessfully to calm her.  


“Did you tell her?” Chris had no idea what was going on. He was suddenly appalled by the idea that Jensen had told her about the leukemia without him.  


“No! She can’t speak!” Jensen growled as another hysterical sob broke out from beside him.  


“Shit.” Chris let that sink in. “Dr. Collins was scrubbing up when I came in. He should be here any minute.”  


As if summoned, Dr. Collins entered. “Glad to see you awake, finally.” He gave her a tight smile. This was no time for pleasantries. “I heard there was a problem. Did these guys fill you in on what’s happening?”  


She shook her head agitatedly, taking a deep breath to try to calm herself. “Nnuuuuuu Uuuuuu!” She tried as calmly as possible.  


Dr. Collins’ eyebrows hit his hairline. “I see. Are there any other new symptoms, apart from the aphasia?”  


Joy looked questioningly at the others before shaking her head no.  


“Any new numbness or tingling in any of your extremities?”  


She gave a frustrated sigh and shook her head again.  


“Okay. I am going to order a CT scan. It’ll be a little bit before we can get her in there. The room will have to be sterilized first and-“  


“Nnuuuuuu?” Joy waved her hand desperately trying to get his attention, confusion evident on her face.  


Jensen sighed. “I haven’t told her yet.” He looked up sadly into panicked eyes.  


She looked between the three men registering sadness on all of their faces. She held her hand up in the universal sign for, “What?”  


“You are in isolation to protect you from further infection.” Dr. Collins decided it was best if she heard it from him. “You have a severe form of pneumonia, unique to immune compromised patients.” 

He rushed to continue before she interrupted again. “You have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia.”  


The men all waited with baited breath for the coming panic or anger, and received none. She sat staring at the doctor, as if resigned to her fate.  


After a few moments of silence Misha continued. “We are actively searching for a bone marrow donor. And after we assess the aphasia and residual pneumonia we can further discuss chemo options.”  


She nodded her understanding. She was suddenly frighteningly calm.  


“Do you have any questions?”  


She shrugged knowing there was no way to ask.  


“Oh right. Here.” Dr. Collins handed her a pen and a note pad from his pocket, smiling sheepishly at her.  


Pen in hand, note pad resting in her lap, she stared in frustration. She knew what she wanted to ask but her hand mocked her. The disconnect between her brain and her hand was evident when she looked down at the paper. Seeing the unintelligible chicken scratches where words were supposed to be, she threw the pen across the room as hard as she could. She stared up at the ceiling willing the tears away. She just wanted to know how long she had before she died. But now, it seemed she wouldn’t even be able to say goodbye when the time came.  


“Hey, we’ll get through this.” Jensen said gently.  


She rolled her head along her pillow to look at him. A single tear trickled down her cheek. He wiped it away. Seeing the resignation in her eyes, he knew it would be up to him and Chris to keep her fighting.  


“I’m going to go see if we can get the portable CT brought up from the ER. I’d prefer to keep you safe in here. And get this done as soon as possible.” Dr. Collins said more to himself than to the others as he left the room.  


“Hey, can we try something?” Chris spoke for the first time.  


Joy turned her emotionless eyes to her brother, mildly interested in what he wanted. He was holding his cell phone out to her, the texting app open. She raised a curious eyebrow.  


“If you promise it won’t meet the same fate as Misha’s pen, can we try this?”  


She lifted her braced right hand and laid it over her heart to promise, and reached for the phone with the other. She took a steadying breath and looked a two sets of hopeful eyes and encouraging smiles. Using her thumb she typed.  


“I am so sorry.”  


“Hey! It worked!” Chris cheered at the same time Jensen said, “No, please don’t be sorry.”  


Ignoring them both, she continued. “I have brought you both nothing but pain and sorrow. I keep hurting you. And for that I am terribly sorry.”  


Chris took the phone away to read it as Jensen tried to sooth her. “You have brought nothing but happiness and love into my life. Don’t ever think otherwise.”  


“Same goes for me kiddo. We love you. Please don’t think like this.” Chris agreed as he dropped a kiss to her head.  


She motioned for the phone again, then typed. “I’m tired.”  


“Yeah, okay. Get some sleep. I’m going to go check on some things. I’ll be back soon.” Chris grabbed his phone and headed out.  


“Get some rest, Love. I’m not going anywhere.” Jensen kissed her forehead.  


An hour after the CT scan found them waiting rather impatiently for the results. The scan had gone rather smoothly, even with the addition of scanning her lungs to check the progress of the pneumonia. But the waiting game was becoming tedious.  


Chris burst into the room with a triumphant, “Look what I got!” He handed Joy a brand new Ipad open to a note taking app.  


She immediately typed, “Thank you Chris! Means more than you know.”  


“Anything. You know that.” He said simply before taking a seat across from Jensen. Noticing his exhaustion he asked, “Y’all get any rest?”  


Jensen nodded, “A little nap.”  


Joy scowled and typed furiously-one handed. “He’s lying. He won’t sleep.” She held it up for Chris to see.  


“Jen, it won’t do to-“  


“I’m fine.” He snapped. “I will rest once we know more.”  


Joy let out a frustrated huff. “He’s going to worry himself sick.”  


Before Jensen could defend himself, Dr. Collins returned.  


Three sets of eyes watched him expectantly, two hopeful, one bleak. He placed some films up on a light board behind Chris and turned it on; the brain scan.  


“The good news is the pneumonia is responding really well to treatment.” When he turned around he saw that this news had done nothing to lighten the mood. He decided to just rip off the bandaid. “You see here,” he indicated a dark spot on one scan. “There is a blood clot in your Broca’s Area. That is clearly the cause of the aphasia. My guess is that the seizure you endured during your fever lodged it there. Now, we have a couple of options here. We can try blood thinners and wait it out, try to prevent further damage. Or we can go in and surgically remove it.”  


“Which do you suggest?” Jensen asked, not skipping a beat.  


“Well, there are risks to both. If we wait and try the blood thinners, the clot could dislodge and cause worse damage. Including death. But the surgery option is just as dangerous right now with the pneumonia and leukemia.”  


“How will the blood thinners affect the leukemia?” Jensen was all business now.  


“Well, there are increased risks of bleeding and with her being anemic already the risks become exponentially higher. We need to weigh both options carefully before we make any decisions.”  


“UUUUUUU!” Joy was angrily waving the Ipad in the air, desperate to tell them her decision. She hysterically pointed at the device as she shoved it into Jensen’s hands. “Surgery!”  


“Surgery? No, I think we should wait it out with the drugs. I think surgery is too risky. You aren’t over the pneumonia yet.”  


She angrily yanked it out of his hands and typed again. “No! Surgery! We are wasting time!”  


She held it out for him to read out loud.  


“Surgery seems too dangerous given your current condition. We should try the medication first and let you heal more.” Chris tried to placate. He thoroughly agreed with Jensen. Surgery just wasn’t an option.  


She glared at both of them, typing. “The longer this ticking time bomb sits in my head, the greater the risk of permanent damage.”  


“That’s better than you dyeing on the table!” Jensen argued.  


“I’d rather die on the table than live like this! The cancer will kill me eventually. Please let me have my voice back.”  


His voice broke as he read that out loud. He looked up to see her previously stoic expression had melted into tears.  


“Please.”  


“Doc?” Chris asked without taking his eyes off of his distraught sister.  


“I already consulted with Dr. Mark Sheppard, our head neurosurgeon. He was willing as long as you were aware of the risks. As with all brain surgery the risk of death is always high. But in your current state it is tripled.”  


Jensen’s breath audibly stuttered. Joy turned her sad eyes to him and pointed to the Ipad where it still read, “Please.”  


“How soon?” He croaked out.  


“I will go check with Dr. Sheppard, but he assured me that he could do it with in the next thirty-six hours.”  


Jensen ran a tired hand over his face and looked deeply into the eyes he had hoped to grow old staring into. “One condition.” She raised her eyebrows at that. “Marry me first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized

She smiled softly as she understood his reasons, no explanation required. She nodded her answer as more silent tears began to spill.  


“Okay, I will go inform Dr. Sheppard of your decision. I will do my best to get you those thirty-six hours.” With that Dr. Collins slipped out of the room.  


Chris cleared his throat, not quite sure what to say at this turn of events. He was fighting gripping panic caused by knowing he only had a few short hours left with his little sister alive and well. “What do you need me to do?”  


At that, Jensen snapped into action, practically jumping from his chair. “I need you to stay here with Joy. I have a few important calls to make.” He bent down to kiss her. “I love you so much. I won’t be far and I will be back as soon as I can.”  


Before the door had clicked shut behind him, Joy was furiously tapping out a message. “Will you be my voice? If I can’t speak for myself, I want you to say I do for me and read my vows. Please. And will you help me write my vows?”  


“Of course, Darlin. Anything. Always.” Pushing back his own anguish he sat next to her and did his best to help write the perfect vows.  


*Jensen*  


Jensen stepped down the hall, phone in hand, and found a quiet corner of the ICU waiting area to make his calls. The first to his best friend. He picked up on the first ring.  


“Hey Jen. How’s she doing?”  


“God, Jay. It’s so bad.” He let himself slide down the wall and raised his free hand to his eyes as the flood gates opened. Jared waited as patiently as possible for him to continue. “She’s dying Jay. 

And I have less than thirty-six hours to marry her and say good bye.” A sob crawled its way out of his throat.  


“Jesus, Jensen! What?”  


Jensen pulled himself together long enough to explain the extent of the leukemia, blood clot, aphasia, and the upcoming brain surgery. As well as, future bone marrow and chemo needs. Then he explained bout their need to get married with in twenty-four hours.  


“My mother will be so pissed, but we can’t put it off. This may be it for us. I- I- “  


“Hey, no worries man. I get it. What do you need me to do?”  


Jensen sighed a breath in relief of his best friend’s understanding. “Um, the-the rings. They are in my sock drawer.”  


“On it. Anything else?”  


“Round up some people, I guess. Gen and Danni, please.”  


“Of course. Time?”  


“Time is it?” He spotted a clock on the wall across the room. “Its 8pm now; morning then, like ten? I gotta call Jeff and see if he’ll officiate and expedite the marriage certificate. Man, I hope that gives him enough time.”  


“It will be fine. Let me take care of it.”  


“Nah, I gotta talk to Jeff myself.”  


“Okay, but let me deal with the rest. You just go back in and spend as much time as you can with Joy.”  


“Thank you, Jay.”  


As soon as the call disconnected he was dialing again.  


“Police Chief Morgan here.”  


“Hey Jeff, I need a huge favor, man.”  


“Anything you need, son.”  


Twenty minutes later he hung up with a promise from Jeff to take care of the paperwork and to be there at 10 am sharp to marry them.  


Jensen was still sitting on the ground, knees up in front of him. He crossed his arms and laid them on top of his knees and buried his face. He was determined to get it out now and return to the room with no tears left to shed.  


*Jared*  


As soon as he disconnected with Jensen, Jared dialed another familiar number.  


“Jay! Sweetheart, how’s that beautiful wife of yours?” The sweet motherly voice answered, making his heart swell at the same time as a lump began to form in his throat.  


“Hi, Momma A. She’s real good. I am sorry to call so late, but I am calling for Jensen.”  


“Oh Honey, is he all right?”  


He took a deep breath before answering. “Yes and no. It’s Joy actually. She’s in the ICU and it’s not looking too good.”  


“Oh my poor Jen. We’ll be on the road in twenty minutes.”  


“She’s going in for a dangerous surgery tomorrow and they want to get married before. We are aiming for ten am.”  


At Donna’s sharp intake of breath, Jared tried to quickly explain what had happened up to this point as best he could. He hung up after confirming their plans and headed off to tell Genevieve and call the station. After a very hard conversation with the crew of FD10, and letting Gen cry into his neck for what felt like an eternity, Jared found himself standing in front of Jensen’s chest of drawers. Two matching platinum rings, one marginally smaller than the other, sat nestled in a black velvet box in his hand. His heart ached for his best friend. He had watched their love blossom and grow over the years. He knew Joy was Jensen’s soul mate. There would never be anyone else. Giving himself a quiet moment to mourn for them, he knew, come what may, that he had to try to be Jensen’s rock.

*Jensen*  


Dr. Collins found him sitting on the floor of the ICU waiting room an hour later. He crouched down in front of him and put his hand on his shoulder to get his attention. He waited for Jensen to turn red rimmed eyes up at him before speaking.  


“Dr. Sheppard put her down for noon tomorrow. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you more time, but he says the sooner he does the surgery the better her chances are.”  


“Thank you, Mish.”  


“Why don’t you go back and spend some time with her?”  


“I was giving her and Chris some time.” He sniffed and rubbed his nose across his arm. “As well as trying to pull myself together. She doesn’t need to see me like this.”  


Misha stood up and offered him his hand, hauling him up to his feet. “There’s an intercom system in the isolation room that connects to the observation room. You should be able to use that for your ceremony.”  


Jensen nodded. He’d seen it when he was stuck in that room, waiting. “Will you- I mean, the ceremony is set for ten am, it would mean a lot to both of us if you could be there.”  


“I wouldn’t miss it.”  


When he finally made his way back to her room, he was met with two very familiar faces. “Mom? Dad? What? How?”  


“Jay called.” His dad answered as his mother engulfed him in a fierce hug. She pulled back after a long moment and took his face in her hands.  


“Oh baby. I am so sorry.” She relinquished him into his father’s embrace.  


“We’re here for you son. Jay gave us the keys to your house. I am going to go put your mother to bed. We’ll see you in the morning. Go be with your girl.” He patted his cheek and stepped back.  


“Yeah. Okay. Get some rest.”  


“Call if you need anything. We love you Jensen.” His mother kissed his cheek and they left.  


He watched them round the corner, then headed to the nurses station to be re-decontaminated. 

Chris had left to go get a few hours of shut eye shortly after Jensen returned to the room, giving the two some much needed alone time.  


“Hold me.” Was typed on the Ipad that was held out to him a soon as Chris was out the door.  


“Of course.” He set the Ipad on the side table and gently helped her scoot over. It took some careful maneuvering of wires and cables, but soon he was lying fully on the bed with her half on top of him. Her head on his chest and his arms protectively encircling her. She laid her hand over his heart in the sign for I love you. He took hold of her hand and held it in place.  


“I love you so much. Try to get some sleep.” He kissed the top of her head and tried to ignore the wetness seeping through his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for reading! Feedback is much obliged.


	15. Chapter 15 Time for a Wedding!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.
> 
> Tissues may be required here. Seriously, everyone cries at weddings, right?

Shortly before ten am, the observation room had gotten a little crowded. Jensen’s parents had been joined by his brother and sister, Jared and Gen, Danni, Chad, Chief Beaver, Tommy, and Rosy.  


They chatted quietly as they watched Nurse Nancy and Dr. Collins resituated Joy’s bed and all of the medical equipment close to the observation window.  


“Here.” Misha handed Jensen the rings with a smile. “I decontaminated them myself.”  


“Thank you so much. For all of this.” He put the rings in the pocket of his white scrub pants and patted Misha on the back.  


“Morgan’s on his way. He got help up at the courthouse, filing the paperwork. He should be here soon.” Jared’s voice sounded through the intercom.  


Joy gave him a smile and the sign for thank you. He showed her his dimples and nodded, “You’re welcome.”  


Jensen took the opportunity to step up to the intercom. “I want to thank you all for being here today. I know it’s far from conventional, but given our circumstances-“ He stopped to swallow the lump forming in his throat. “We are just so grateful y’all could be here with us. We love each and every one of you.”  


Jared held the button down on the intercom as the room erupted in a chorus of I love yous.  


JD Morgan made his way to the front of the room. “Sorry I’m late. Shall we begin?”  


Alan patted his ex-partner on the back and thanked him for coming, while Misha took his position manning the intercom. Chris opened the Ipad to Joy’s vows and stood to her left. Jensen took his place to her right and took her hands in his.  


“We’re ready Jeff.”  


Jared resumed manning the intercom as Jeff began.  


“Dear friends and family, with great affection for Joy Rachel Kane and Jensen Ross Ackles, we’ve gathered here together to witness and bless their union in marriage. There are no ties on earth so sweet, none so tender as those you are about to assume. There are no vows so solemn as those you are about to make. There is no institution on earth so sacred as that of the union you will form, for the true home is not only the place in which you will live, but is also the dwelling place where each lives in the heart and mind of the other."  


“At this time, Joy and Jensen have prepared their own vows. Chris will be Joy’s voice today."  


Chris cleared his throat, then began reading, “My dearest Jensen, few people get to experience the incredible love that we share. I am so grateful for every second that we’ve had together. It may not have been perfect, but I wouldn’t change a thing. You are my best friend, my strength, my soul mate. Weather we have until tomorrow or one thousand tomorrows, I promise to always keep fighting with all that I am to come back to you. I promise to carry your love with me for all eternity. And I promise to live in your heart forever.”  


Chris looked up to see that there wasn’t a dry eye in either room.  


Jensen wiped his tears and cleared his throat. He pulled a folded paper from his pocket and read.  


“Joy, my love, from this day forward, you will never be alone. My heart will be your shelter and my arms will be your home. I promise you that as long as I live, you will live. As long as I live, you will be remembered. As long as I live you will be loved. I will forever and always be in love with you.” He ended his vows with a small chocked off sob.  


“Will you please take out the rings?” Jeff’s voice cut through the hushed ragged breaths filling the rooms.  


Jensen took them out of his pocket and handed his to Joy with a tear filled smile.  


“I give you this ring as a token of my love. As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you. I choose you to be my wife today and forever more.”  


Jensen’s voice was steady and strong as he repeated the pledge. As Chris repeated the same words for Joy, she nodded along in agreement while staring deeply into Jensen’s eyes.  
“Now that Joy and Jensen have given themselves to each other by the promises they have exchanged by the authority vested in me by the state of Texas, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” A huge smile spread over Jeff’s face, “Jensen you may now kiss your beautiful wife.”  


The once tearful room erupted in cheers as Jensen gently took Joy’s face in his hands and bent down for the sweetest kiss they had ever exchanged. They pulled away slightly breathless, and all smiles.  


As the cheers died down, Misha spoke up, finger still on the intercom. “I am so sorry to rush things, but they will be here in about thirty minutes to take Joy to get prepped for surgery.”  


Joy smiled at him and signed her thanks. She looked around the sudden silent rooms and saw the anguish and sorrow on every face. Letting go of Jensen, she reached for the tablet from Chris with shaky hands. She typed swiftly with a small determined smile on her face. Then handed it to Jensen, motioning to the observation room, indicating he was to read it out loud.  


He moved grief filled eyes to the tablet and cleared yet another lump from his throat.  


“My amazing family. Please know that I love each and every one of you without measure. This is not goodbye, this is thank you. Thank you for bringing me into your lives and loving me. You have brought me unending happiness and memories I will cherish forever. I promise you all that I will do my damnedest to come back. But if my time on earth comes to an end, please take care of my beautiful husband and my beloved big brother. They are the best parts of me and without them I would never have made it this far.”  


Jensen barely made it through the end before cutting off on a loud sob.  


“We love you too. We will all be waiting for you when you come back.” Jared’s strong voice cut through the haze of tears.  


Donna pushed through the crowd to the intercom. “We love you sweetheart. We’ll go wait in the waiting room and give you guys a few minutes.” Then she ushered everyone out of the room.  


Joy turned to Chris first, taking the Ipad back from Jensen’s numb fingers.  


“I love you so much. Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother.”  


“I love you too, kiddo. Everything’s going to be fine.” He bent down to embrace her long and hard. With damp eyes he pulled away and kissed her forehead. “See you soon, kiddo.” He let the tears flow as he strode out of the room and into Danni’s awaiting embrace.  


As soon as the door snicked closed she turned and opened her arms to her husband. He joined her on the bed and pulled her into his arms. They stayed quiet like that for a few moments just breathing each other in.  


“I am not ready to say goodbye to you yet.”  


She looked into tear filled emerald eyes and shook her head trying to convey, “Then don’t.”  


He understood. He bent down to capture her lips in a searing and desperate kiss.  


A quiet knock separated them. Nurse Nancy poked her head in the door. “I’m sorry, but its time.” She entered the room followed by two orderlies dressed in white scrubs.  


Joy looked in to now slightly panicked green eyes and smiled softly. She reached up to touch his cheek. He leaned into her touch. “I will see you soon. I love you. Forever.” He bent down for one last kiss before she was whisked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

*Jensen*  


He had never imagined that immediately after his wedding that he’d be sitting in a hospital waiting room; not knowing if he’d see his bride again. It had taken him a few minutes to collect himself after she was taken away. But he eventually made his way out to the room all of their family and friends were waiting in. He entered with a grim nod and took a seat next to his mother. She silently took his hand and squeezed it tight.  


The room stayed relatively silent, save for a few whispered conversations taking place in the far corners of the room. All of which stopped when a serious faced Dr. Collins stepped into the room. He headed straight for Jensen and sat in a chair he had pulled directly in front of the seated man. Jensen looked slightly terrified and clutched at his mother’s hand with both of his-expecting bad news.  


“We need to discuss donors.”  


“Excuse me?” Donna asked in shock realizing her son wasn’t answering.  


“Bone marrow donors.” Realizing his major faux pas, “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest-“  


“No, it’s alright.” Jensen replied tightly.  


Chagrined, Misha continued, “I thought it might be best if we put out a request through the local media. She’s on the national registry. But someone close by could save time. And the sooner we find someone the better her chances.”  


“Yes. Right. Of course, please do whatever you need to.” Jensen seemed dazed by the whole thing. He was so caught up in the brain surgery he’d nearly forgotten about the leukemia.  


A voice across the room startled him out of it. “I’d like to be tested.” Jared stood to make his announcement, like a soldier volunteering for battle. Jensen smiled a little at that.  


Then a chorus of “me too” sounded from around the room. Jensen couldn’t hold back the tear that rolled down his cheek.  


“Great! I will send a nurse up to start collecting samples from everyone.” Misha stood to leave but paused and pointed to Genevieve. “Except you, Mrs. Padalecki. You are disqualified until that little one is born.”  


*Joy*  


She came into awareness quite abruptly. The beeping heart monitor confirming she was alive. She wondered if you could get an adrenaline rush after coming out of anesthesia. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes.  


Chris and Jensen were seated on either side of her. Both looked wrecked, but hadn’t noticed her awaken. So she decided to see if the surgery worked. It took a couple of tries but she finally was able to squeak out, “ ‘ello.”  


Both men nearly fell from their chairs. Jensen jumped up for a quick kiss and a breathless, “You’re awake.” He sounded as if he couldn’t believe it. She smiled sleepily at him. The adrenaline wearing off quickly.  


She looked over to see Chris smiling dopily at her. “Hiya, kiddo.”  


“ ‘Ello.” Her croaked voice squeezed out, barely making any noise. But all three smiled hugely at it.  


“Here. I bet you’re parched.” Jensen held a cup of water with a straw to her lips for a small sip.  
“Better?”  


“Y-y-yea.” She nodded and stuttered.  


With a look of pure determination and deep concentration, she tried to speak again. A few false starts had the men waiting anxiously. “Nnnngg.” She took a deep breath and tried again. “I l-l-l-uv y-y- yoo J-Jen-n.” Her smile was huge as a tear rolled down his cheek.  


“I love you too!”  


Then she looked at Chris. “Y-y-yoo t-t-t-t-oo-“. Her face contorted as she tried and struggles to say Chris or Kane. Neither word would form. “Aaaaaaa!” She let out a frustrated yell. All traces of happiness gone.  


“Hey, it’s ok. It’s going to take some time.” Her brother tried to soothe her.  


She shook her head angrily at him, fist slamming down on the bed. “N-n-nooooo! I- I doo it!” A horrible chocking sound came from her throat as she tried to say his name again. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall, trying to take calming breaths.  


Chris and Jensen exchanged worried looks.  


“If it’s the name that’s hard, maybe you could call him something else.” Jensen tried.  


She opened her eyes and nodded. A small smile playing on her lips as she thought of what to try next. She looked at Chris and tried again. “B-b-b-oth-a.” She cleared her throat and gave it another go. Stronger this time. “B-b-oth-a.”  


Chris let out a loud whoop and Jensen laughed and applauded. Chris kissed her temple. “Brother works great for me!”  


Their loud exclamations had alerted the nurses and soon Dr. Collins came bustling into the isolation room. He looked curiously at the three smiling faces that greeted him, “How’s it going in here?”  


“Lo M-mm-meeha.” Her smile fell into a disgusted grimace at her attempt at his name. But Dr. Collins looked surprised and elated by it.  


“Hello! That is fantastic!” He beamed at her. “Looks like you’ve gotten instant results. I couldn’t have asked for better.”  


“H-h-h-ar-d-d w-w-or-d-d.”  


“Well we can start speech therapy as soon as you get some rest. Okay?”  


“O-o-o-o-“ She stopped to give Jensen an irritated look. “G-g-ooooo-d.”  


“The letter k is giving you a hard time I see.”  


“She can’t say my name at all.” Chris informed the doctor.  


“Hmm. Well, I will let the speech pathologist know. And we should be able to work on that.” Misha began looking over the machines. “Your vitals look great. And the fact that you can speak already is fabulous. So, just get some rest. And we will go from there.”  


“Th-th-th-an y-y-yoo.”  


Misha smiled and patted her knee before heading back out the door.  


“I am going to go share this awesome news! And give you newlyweds some time.” Chris winked and kissed her forehead. “I love you, kiddo. I’ll see you a little later.”  


Joy held her braced hand over her heart, “B-b oth-a.” She smiled fondly at him as he nodded and left them alone.  


She turned to Jensen, “H-h-ubb-y.” She smiled coyly and bat her eyelashes at him.  


He chuckled at that and took her face in his hands, eyes shining with love. “I love you so damn much, my beautiful strong, brave, wife.” Then he bent down to kiss her. The kiss had no heat to it, just pure deep love and a whole lot of relief that she was okay. For now.  


He climbed into the bed so she could snuggle into his chest and he could hold her while they both got some much needed rest.  


*Jensen*  


Two days later, while practicing her speech therapy lessons with Jensen, Misha entered isolation with a huge grin.  


“Good morning! And how is my favorite patient feeling today?”  


Jensen quirked an eyebrow at his chipperness, but remained quiet.  


“I’m d-d-oo-in g-g-ood.”  


“That’s wonderful to hear, because I have great news!”  


Jensen grabbed her hand, giving a reassuring squeeze in anticipation of said great news. He tried not to get his hopes up too high, just in case.  


Misha plopped himself onto the foot of the bed, all traces of professionalism flying out the window in the wake of his glee.  


Joy narrowed her eyes at him, clearly unamused and over anxious for his news.  


“We found a donor!” Misha crowed.  


Joy’s mouth fell open.  


Jensen swallowed around the lump that was suddenly lodged in his throat, “Really?”  


“Yes!” Misha beamed.  


“H-h-ow thhhh-ooon?” She huffed, irritated at her inability to grasp the simple s sound after constant practice.  


Ignoring her surliness, Misha answered, “Well, he’s on his way now. If all goes according to plan, we should be good to go by tomorrow after noon.”  


“So what happens next?”  


“Well we are hoping to harvest the donor marrow tomorrow and get Joy started on chemo as soon as possible.”  


Joy deflated immediately at that. She had forgotten that in order to get well she would have to get sicker.  


Seeing this reaction, Misha went on to explain his plan. “Dr. Ruth Connell, our head Oncologist suggests seven days of aggressive chemo treatment before the transplant. So, if we start tomorrow, by this time next week we should be able to do the marrow transfusion.”  


“T-t-t-morro?”  


“Yes, we need 24 hours to get this ready for the donor, as well as get him into isolation for that long.”  


A knock on the door prevented any further discussion.  


“That should be him now. Ready to meet your donor and 24 hour roommate?”  


She glanced nervously at Jensen, who gave a reassuring smile, before she nodded to Misha to open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.

A tall figure clad in white patient pajamas and a rarely seen ponytail entered with a wide dimpled grin. “Howdy roomie!”  


“Jay?” was whispered in disbelief.  


At the same time Jensen stood, “Why didn’t you tell me?”  


“Misha only called this morning.” Jared ducked his head sheepishly.  


Jensen shook his head to dispel his disbelief before taking two long strides to embrace his best friend. “Thank you, Jay. Thank you so damn much.”  


“Happy to help.” Jared tried to sound nonchalant but the strong emotions that played across his face belied it.  


Jensen gave him a hearty pat on the back and released him from his embrace. Jared made his way over to the bed where Joy had tears streaming down her face.  


“Hey, don’t cry.”  


She reached to take his hand. “I-I-vv n-no w-w-od-ss.”  


“No words needed. I just want you to get better.”  


Jensen wiped his own tears as he watched his best friend embrace his crying wife.  
“Th-th-an y-yoo.”

*Jensen*  


Chemotherapy is evil. Straight out of the pits of hell, created by the devil himself. With the intention of bringing one as close to a torturous death as possible without actually killing them.  


On the sixth day of chemo, Jensen entered the room to find Joy staring down at her hands; a very distraught look on her face. As he looked down at her hands he noticed the prominent bones sticking out of too thin, too pale knuckles. And that would be enough for her expression, but he knew that wasn’t what was upsetting her. It was the two very large clumps of auburn hair clutched tightly in her fists. Without a word he turned around and quickly headed to the nurses station.  


Only a brief explanation was required before the all-knowing RN fetched an electric razor from a drawer behind her desk. His heart ached at the realization that it was a much needed “medical tool” in this part of the hospital.  


Joy hadn’t moved an inch when he re-entered the room. Stepping close to her bed he cleared his throat and asked, “You want me to?” holding up the clippers, giving them a small wave.  


She slowly raised red rimmed eyes to see what he was talking about. And without hesitation, whispered a broken, “pleeeez.”  


He nodded his affirmation and quickly set up, dragging the plastic visitor chair into the bathroom. The RN from the desk, joined them and unhooked Joy’s IV to make moving around easier. She 

silently slipped from the room when Jensen reappeared from the bathroom.  


Jensen wordlessly lifted her limp body, unable to ignore how feather light she’d gotten. He had to swallow back bile at the thought; she was dying, slowly, painfully. As gently as if she were made from spun sugar, he set her in the chair facing the mirror and wrapped a towel around her bony shoulders. He worried briefly that she wouldn’t be able to keep herself up right long enough to do this without slipping onto the floor.  


Avoiding her reflection in the mirror, he took a calming breath and turned the clippers on. The buzz physically startled Joy. “Sorry.” He muttered, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.  


“Jussss doo it.” She demanded.  


As stoically as possible, he placed the blades at the top of her forehead and gently pulled the machine towards the back of her head, right down the middle. As he watched the locks of hair fall to the floor he let his thoughts drift.  


He never would have imagined spending so much time in and out of hospitals watching the love of his life struggle so hard to survive. He wasn’t sure how much more he could endure. How much more she could. When he looked into the mirror, he saw a single tear fall from tightly closed eyes, he knew their thoughts were the same. This had to work; the chemo, the marrow. They were their last chance at happiness.  


He clicked off the clippers and the silence was nearly deafening. “All done.”  


Her eyes opened and locked with his in the mirror. She silently raised her hand and touched her chin briefly and pulling it away, in the sign for thank you.  


They didn’t speak as he put her back in bed and paged the nurse to reattach the IV. When the nurse arrived, he excused himself to the bathroom to clean up. He took his time with the small hand broom he had found under the sink, to meticulously remove every last trace of the offending hair. He used the time alone to get a grip on his emotions before returning to Joy’s side.

She had been lightly dozing when there was a soft knock on the door. Jared poked his head in. “Hi. Can I come in for a minute?”  


“Course.” The breathy response had Jensen jerking back to look at her. He had been sure she was asleep. “N-eeee-d-d dis-s-s-tra-shun.” She slurred at the unspoken question.  


Jared took that as his cue to enter, limping slightly from the marrow extraction, but beaming. “Hey gorgeous! I’ve got news!”  


“What’s up Jay?”  


“Gen’s in labor. I just brought her in!”  


“Wow! That’s great!” Jensen jumped up to hug his best friend.  


“What are you doing down here? Go be with her!”  


Jared chuckled, “I had to tell my two best friends! Besides, they kicked me out while they got her all set up.”  


“C’mere.” Joy raised her arms for a hug, smiling for the first time in forever. “C’ngats Da-dd-eee.” She whispered into his ear as he engulfed her in a hug.  


“You’re cold.” He said more to himself as he squeezed her a little bit tighter before he let go. “Here.” He tugged his customary white beanie from his head and gently pulled it over her freshly shaven one. “That otta keep you warmer.” He smiled down at her.  


Her own smile grew warmer as she signed her thanks.  


Jensen clapped him on the back in thanks. “You better get back to your wife before she sends out a search party.”  


“Yes. Right. I’m going to be a dad!” Jared suddenly looked bewildered as Jensen led him back to the door.  


Jared’s son entered this world at 2:33am the following morning. Deep brown eyes and a shock of black hair, he was big and rosy cheeked and beautiful. Jensen was sure the picture Jay texted him didn’t do the boy justice. The tears in Joy’s eyes when he showed it to her proved that she felt the same.  


A sense of calm and serenity settled in around them as they relished in their fiends’ new arrival. It was the last day of chemo. Tomorrow Joy would be finally receiving the bone marrow transplant. The happiness radiating off of the steady trickle of visitors that came by after seeing the Padaleckis was nearly tangible.  


It was not hard to notice how much Joy perked up with each happy guest, as they regaled her with tales of the new baby. Jensen let himself get lost in the flow. Tomorrow would bring its own set of worry about death, but today was about life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading y'all!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> Forgive me my treatment of Misha in this chapter-it was necessary.

*Jensen*  


The light and easy feeling of the day before disappeared with the dawn, to be replaced by a gnawing anxiety. The procedure would be simple enough- a blood transfusion, really. But the gravity of the matter was weighing heavy on his heart. And the wait for things to begin had him nearly vibrating out of his chair.  


As he checked his watch for the hundredth time in the last five minutes, he felt a gentle touch to his arm that was laying on the bed rail.  


He placed his own hand on top of hers, “I’m sorry.”  


A soft knock on the door interrupted any further discussion.  


Donna Ackles poked her head in. “Hey, just wanted to wish you luck today.”  


“Mom, wow! You didn’t have to come down.”  


“Yes I did. Today’s a big day.” She entered the room, wearing the same white scrubs he was, and headed straight to the observation window. Pulling the drawn curtains open with a flourish, she added, “We all wanted to show our support.”  


The curtain parted to reveal the room filled with all the same smiling faces that were there for the wedding. Chris stepped up to the window and held up a poster board that read; We Love You! Good Luck!  


At a loss, Jensen turned to see Joy’s reaction. She had tears streaming down her face. She held up her left hand signing, I love you, followed by thank you.  


A quick tap on the door was followed by Dr. Collins and Nurse Nancy entering the room with bright smiles.  


“Time to get this party started!” Misha’s chipper voice rang out as he approached the bed. “Are you ready to get well?”  


Joy couldn’t help smile a little at his enthusiasm. “Y-y-yes p-p-pleez.”  


“Great! Nancy is just going to get you hooked up and we will be all set.” As Nancy set about attaching the transfusion bag to Joy’s central line at her clavicle, Jensen moved to stand by the bed. Joy reached out to take his hand.  


“Okay sweetie, we’re ready.” Nancy patted her shoulder gently, then reached out to flick on the IV pump.  


Jensen watched Joy’s face intently as the tube flowed red into her chest. He saw the instant the tiny smile dropped and was replaced with a mix of concern and confusion.  


She raised her right hand to the catheter and touched the skin below it. “B-b-b-ur-nz.”  


Jensen’s eyes shot to Misha for reassurance.  


Misha blinked and tilted his head in confusion. Before he could comment Joy’s breathing picked up.  


“D-d-d-dzzzzz-eee” The word barely passed her lips when the heart monitor started blaring.  


Jensen watched in horror as Joy struggled to breathe and her eyes rolled back in her head.  


“Her blood pressure is dropping!” Nancy shouted.  


“What’s happening?”  


“She’s going into anaphylaxis!”  


Jensen felt a small hand wrap around his arm and gently pull him away from the bed. His mother; his otherwise blank mind supplied. Terror gripped his heart as he helplessly watched the nurse hit a button on the wall and yell out, “Code Blue!” Just as suddenly, the room was filled with medical personnel as they raced to save her.  


A small blonde nurse whose name he couldn’t remember was in front of him, hands on his shoulders. He had no idea when she had appeared. “You need to step outside, sir.” Her voice finally snapped him out of it.  


“What? No! I need to-“  


“You have to leave. Let the doctors do their job.”  


“Jensen, baby, come on. Let’s go into the hall.” His mother started pulling him by the hand as the nurse helped to back him out of the room. He couldn’t drag his eyes away from the chaos that was exploding in front of him. His body gave in to the women’s demands. The door closing in his face and Misha yelling, “Start compressions!” Had him suddenly running to the observation room only to find the curtains already being pulled shut.  


He stared at the curtains for what felt like an eternity as the world fell away and left his mind blank with fear, until he finally allowed his mother to pull him down into a chair. He felt her rubbing soothing circles into his back and buried his face in his hands and wept.

*Misha*  


Misha entered the silent room with a stunned and slightly horrified expression. Jensen instantly found himself standing in Misha’s face grasping his shoulders tightly. “What? What’s wrong? Is she-“  


“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” Misha spoke quietly, not looking at Jensen, even with him a mere few inches from his own face. “She- she w-went into anaphylactic shock. The um, anti-virals, she-um, we-“  


Jensen was terrified. He’d never seen Misha so at a loss like this. “No.” She shook his head furiously, griping the doctor too tight. “You promised. You said-“  


Dr. Collins kept talking, not hearing Jensen. “It happened so fast. We lost her.”  


Jensen went still. His hands fell to his sides. Terror was quickly taking over. He couldn’t breathe. His lungs had completely forgotten their job. His knees buckled and he hit the floor, hard.  


His sudden disappearance snapped Misha out of his oblivious ramblings. He heard a booming voice demanding, “Breathe dammit!” He was shocked to look down and see Jared kneeling beside a catatonic Jensen, trying desperately to get him to take a breath. Misha’s mind vaguely registered a question to himself of when the hell did Jared get here.  


“Wait! No.” He held his hands up, palms forward, trying to stop the down ward spiral the room had fallen into. “She’s okay. She’s a fighter. We- we got her back. We-“  


His words were cut off by a blinding white pain in the left side of his face where Kane’s fist had suddenly connected with it. He then realized he was sprawled on the floor next to a gasping Jensen.  


When the ringing in his ears started to subside, he began to stand up. Kane lunged. Chad grabbed him from behind just in time.  


“I suggest you stay down. And start explaining why the hell you didn’t start with that bit of information.” The now red faced Kane growled from the cage of Chad’s arms.  


Misha touched his bloodied lip and nodded in agreement. He turned his attention from the still growling Kane to see Jensen finally catch his breath. Jared hauled him to his feet, while glaring daggers at Misha.  


“Jen, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“  


“Save it.” Jensen’s voice was pure ice and murder as he stormed out of the suddenly stifling room to return to his wife’s bedside. He had barely enough time to register the sickly pale and motionless form on the bed before he heard someone enter behind him. He stepped close to the bed and gently lifted the limp hand lying there, trying desperately to ignore whoever followed him.  


“The donated bone marrow will have to be re-harvested. We can’t use what we have as it is laced with the drug that caused the anaphylaxis.” Dr. Collins’s voice was low and soft, trying not to disturb the atmosphere. I’d like to give her 48 hours to recover before we try again. We can get Jared to-“  


“No.” The strained but strong voice startled both of the men.  


“Oh Love, you’re awake.” Jensen fought to keep upright as sad dulled sea blue eyes met his.  


“What do you mean, no?” Misha asked.  


“N-no J-J-ay.”  


“What? He’s here. He’d be happy to do it again.”  


“NO!” She glared at the doctor with more fire than any of them thought she had left. “G-ge-nn n-n-ee-dz im.”  


Jensen let out an exasperated sigh. “She’ll be in the hospital for a few more days. It’ll be fine.”  


“No. F- fin-d n-n-ew d-d-don-rr.”  


“What if there isn’t one?” Jensen was trying to keep his temper under control, but he was at his ropes end.  


She locked eyes with him and shook her head with finality.  


“So that’s it then. I’m just supposed to let you die?”  


“Al- al- wayz b-bee-n pos-sss-ble.” Her words were starting to slur and her eyes were drooping. The conversation had drained what little energy she had.  


Jensen stormed out of the room, unable to handle anymore.  


He stopped just outside the door, hands clasped tightly in his hair trying desperately to get a hold of himself. He was only slightly shocked when he opened his eyes to find a very concerned Jared 

standing in front of him.  


The window wall between the two rooms was far from sound proof. Most of the yelling had been overheard.  


“Hey man, don’t you worry. I won’t let her make this decision for me. It would destroy me if she died because of me.”  


“Jay. I can’t. She doesn’t want you to.” He let his arms fall to his sides as his anger quickly morphed into defeat.  


“Genevieve would never forgive me if I didn’t.”  


“Joy will never agree to this. She’s so damn set on dying. God, Jay! What the hell am I supposed to do?”  


“You lie.” Misha’s voice sounded quietly from behind him.  


“What?”  


“We’ll lie. She doesn’t have to know it’s from Jared.”  


Jensen’s expression turned dubious.  


Misha held his hands out, placating. “Hear me out. Please.”  


Jensen simply nodded.  


“She doesn’t have to know where the marrow came from. We can just tell her it was from an anonymous donor.” He shrugged like it was the most obvious thing.  


“I- I don’t know. I can’t lie to her.”  


“Not even to save her life?”  


“Jensen, listen.” Jared placed both hands on his shoulders to get him to focus solely on him. “Please. I’m here. I want to do this. I need to do this. You’d do the same for Gen, wouldn’t you?”  


“Of course!”  


“Then let’s do this. Don’t think of it as a lie. Think of it as saving that beautiful stubborn wife of yours from herself.”  


“Or I can just get Dr. Benedict to sign off that she’s not mentally capable of making her own decisions and we can just force the issue.” Misha, unhelpfully suggested.  


“Do you want to get punched again? Cause I can’t promise you’ll get back up this time.” Jared growled at Misha’s insensitive comment.  


“No, he’s right. This is our only chance to save her. I’ll do it. Just, please, save her.”  


“Okay. We’ll need to harvest as soon as possible.”  


“Let me just go tell Gen what’s going on. And call my mom to come be with her until I can be back with them.”  


“I can sit with her until Sharon gets here.” Donna stepped from the shadows.  


“Oh, mom.” Jensen croaked.  


“Shhhhh. Honey, it’s all going to be alright. You’ll see.” She hugged her son tight. “You’re doing the right thing.” She pat his cheek, then followed Jared to the maternity ward.  


After a few calming breaths, Jensen turned back to Joy’s door, and went back to see her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

She refused to look at him when he entered the room. She had her face turned towards the blank wall, but she was holding her tablet, obviously too tired to stutter out what she had to say to him. He sat in the chair next to the bed to get a better view of the screen. Apprehension settling in to his every fiber.  


“I want to be scattered under the Congress Avenue Bridge.” He read out loud. “What?” He was completely shocked at where this conversation was heading.  


“My ashes. Will you scatter them there?” She typed. “I want to be with the bats.”  


“No.”  


She finally looked at him, the anger in his voice surprised her.  


“You don’t get to do that.”  


“Jen.” It was barely a whisper.  


“No. You don’t get to give up. I won’t let you.”  


“I-i-itssss ovv’r.”  


“It doesn’t have to be. Just let Jared…”  


He stopped when she started typing again. “And when it doesn’t work?”  


“It will.”  


“You can’t know that for sure.”  


“Dammit Joy! Just stop!”  


“I am trying.”  


He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, and tried to find his patience. He counted to ten and then lowered his hand and opened his eyes. He tried again, softer, pleading.  


“Please don’t do this.”  


“I’m tired Jen.”  


“I know.”  


“I’m tired of being sick and broken. I’m tired of being stuck in here. I’m tired of being a burden.”  


“You’re not.”  


“I am. I see what this is doing to you. To them, Chris, Jared, Chad. You’re all becoming zombies. I can’t cause you any more stress.”  


“Then don’t give up! That room in there is full of people who love you. You don’t think giving up will cause them more stress? More pain?”  


“Jen, please try to understand.”  


He yanked the tablet from her hands to force her to listen to him.  


“I do understand. I understand you’re scared. Hell, I am terrified. I can’t lose you. You want me to just let you die, but I won’t survive that.”  


Silence clung to the air in a suffocating choke hold as he waited for her to say something. He stared at her limp nearly lifeless form. If not for the beeping of the monitors and her tired sad eyes staring back, he would have thought she was already gone. Seeing her like that made him feel so selfish for trying to make her endure more. But he wasn’t about to let her give up yet.  


“Please. If not for me, then for them. For Chris. For Jared. For Chad. For that baby downstairs that I know you can’t wait to hold.” He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, and reached up to wipe a single tear from her cheek.  


“I-I don w-w-an-t-t die.” He waited quietly for her to continue, knowing she needed to catch her breath. “N-n-nt sssss-trng nuff.” Her words slurred with exhaustion.  


“Just promise to hold on. Don’t give up. You are the strongest person I’ve ever known. I know you can hold on a little longer. If you agree to let Jared help, we will be in the home stretch.” His desperation leaked into his words.  


“O-o-k.” She pointed to the ipad, too tired to try to talk any more. “But I want to go home.”  


Jensen tried to hold back his happiness with her agreement, but a smile broke out on his face anyway.  


“Of course! As soon as Misha gives the ok.”  


“No. Now.”  


“You need to stay here. You’re too fragile right now.”  


“If it doesn’t work, I don’t want to die here. Please.”  


“After the transfusion, please. Misha said he wants you to recover from the anaphylaxis before the transfusion. You need to be here for that.” His terror was quickly rising again, replacing his elation. He didn’t want her to change her mind. He held her hand close to his heart as he plead with her to stay.  


“Ok. But right after. Please. Just want to go home.”  


“I promise.” Be bent down to kiss her too dry lips. “Thank you. I love you.”  


“Luv y-oo t-t-oo.”  


“Get some rest. I’m going to find Misha. I will be right back.” He hurried to leave before she could change her mind.  


*Joy*  


She closed her eyes and was asleep before Jensen was out of the room. She opened them again when she felt a warm hand take hers. She blinked sleepily up at the slightly blurry man beside her.  


“Hey, Sweetheart. Jen just told me the good news. Thank you.” Her eyes fluttered shut as another warm hand cupped her cheek. “We’re going to get through this, kiddo.”  


She pried her eyes open again and stared into Chris’ bright blue ones. She pointed to the ipad on the table.  


“Need you to promise me something.” She typed.  


“Anything.”  


“If this doesn’t work”  


“Hey, don’t think like that. You have to stay positive.”  


“Chris please. Jen won’t listen. I need you to. Please.”  


“Yeah, ok. I’m sorry.”  


“If this doesn’t work, then that’s it, ok? I can’t keep this up. Either I get better or I am going to die. Soon. Please. I promise to keep fighting, but there is only so much more I can take. My body isn’t going to endure much more.”  


“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” His voice was choked with emotions he so rarely showed.  


“Jen will fight me on this, so I need you in my corner. Please.”  


“Yeah, I promise.”  


“I want my ashes scattered under the Congress Avenue Bridge.”  


“With the bats.”  


“Yes.” She smiled for the first time in too long. “And donate all of my medical equipment to someone who needs it.”  


“Of course.” They both ignored the tears running down his face.  


“And turn the Joy Kane Fund into a charity. For leukemia, paraplegia, suicide prevention, whatever you want.”  


“Absolutely.”  


“And take care of Jen for me. He isn’t doing good. I see how broken he’s become. I’m scared he won’t make it if I’m gone.”  


“I promise.”  


“Thank you.” Knowing how this conversation was hurting her big brother, she made one more request. “Can you hold me for a little while?”  


Not trusting his voice, he flashed her a small smile and gently climbed up on the bed next to her. Being extra careful of her fragile state, he scooped her up so they could settle comfortably together. They sat in silence with her head pillowed on his chest for a long time. Drawing comfort from one another, they both let tears of anger and grief flow.  


She spent the next few days in and out of consciousness as her body struggled to regain what little strength she had left after her near death experience. Chris and Jensen refused to leave her side. And Jared once again became her roommate in preparation for the marrow harvest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking it out with me y'all...nearly to the end.


	20. Chapter 20 The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hang onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flash backs are italicized.

Sunlight trickled through the curtains as he stared at his reflection. His hair flawlessly styled. His suit a perfect fit. His boots shone. The tie around his neck felt like a noose. He reached up to claw at it once more, this time nearly ripping the fabric as he yanked it off. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his crisp white shirt. Then balled the offending piece of silk, before throwing it across the room with a frustrated yell.

“Hey, whoa man. Calm down.” Jared strode into the room in an equally perfectly pressed suit. “You know she wouldn’t care if you wore a tie.” 

“I don’t want to wear the damn suit either.” Jensen growled looking at his refection again. 

“Then don’t.” Jared grabbed a hold of Jensen’s suit jacket and pulled it off of his shoulders. He threw the jacket over a chair, before giving Jensen’s reflection an assessing look. “Roll up your sleeves, but leave the vest buttoned.” 

Jensen did as he was told. 

“Perfect. That’s more you.” 

“Yeah, but…” 

“I’ll do the same.” Jared removed his own jacket and tie, before rolling his own sleeves. “Wow that does feel better. Those suits were too much for this Texas heat anyway.” Jared’s dimples winked out as he waited for Jensen to agree. 

Before he was able to respond, his dad entered the room. “They are all ready down there. Just waiting on you, son.” Alan approached him with a quirked brow. 

Jensen gave him a small smile and shrugged. Alan straightened his son’s collar and dusted his shoulders. “You look great, son.” 

“You think she-“ 

“I know she’d rather you were comfortable today.” Alan reassured him. “Now, come on.” 

A supremely blue Texas sky was awaiting them. The Ackles’ family farm had been beautifully transformed for the day. Rows of linen covered chairs lined the field just outside the barn. They were filled with family and friends. White roses, lilies, and Joy’s favorite Queen Anne’s lace filled every available space. Jensen took a deep breath and began his walked towards the makeshift altar. Jeffery 

Dean Morgan stood waiting for him with a small smile. Jared followed quietly behind him. 

Jensen let his mind wander as he walked. The second round of bone marrow had gone smooth enough without the offending meds in it. But it wasn’t an instant cure. It takes several weeks for the body to start to remake bone marrow and healthy cells after implantation. Joy’s chemo ravaged body was extremely weak and frail. Weeks stretched into months of fighting for strength, fighting for life. But Jensen had kept his promise. Twenty-four hours after the successful transfusion she showed no signs of another complication. Jensen had then taken her home. 

Endless rotations of nurses, doctors, psychologists, speech therapy, physical therapy, and friends came and went in support. Time marched on. At the one year mark of their quickie marriage ceremony they finally received the news they had all dreamed of; Remission. 

The fight to simply survive was easily transferred to a will to live. Jensen proudly watched as the missing spark was finally re-ignited in her eyes, as her body grew stronger and her stutter all but disappeared with time. 

He was brought back into the present by the sound of music. He looked up from his spot between Jared and Jeff to see Chris, in similar dress, pushing Joy up the aisle in a wheelchair. Her white lace dress flowed gracefully over her brace encased legs. A bouquet of white in her lap and more flowers in her dark red hair, she looked absolutely beautiful. 

Jensen felt his smile slip as he watched Joy raise her hand to halt their progress down the aisle, still several feet away from him. A thousand terrible thoughts raced through his mind. His heart thundered in his ears as he watched Chris set the brakes and kneel down in front of her. His confusion warred with curiosity as Josh suddenly appeared next to Chris, carrying a very elaborate set of white forearm crutches. Joy reached out and attached her bouquet to one of them before nodding to Chris. Jensen choked back a sob as he watched their brothers lift her by the elbows as she stood up. They helped her get the crutches situated and then stepped away from her. 

The entirety of the world vanished as he watched his bride walk towards him with the most glorious smile he had ever seen. He took an involuntary step towards her, only to be halted by Jared’s hand on his shoulder. “Let her.” He whispered. 

As she finally reached him, Genevieve stepped forward to take the flower decorated crutch, before resuming her position as Matron of Honor. 

“Hi.” Joy said to him, blushing from the exertion. She reached up and wiped the tears from his cheeks. 

“Hi.” Was all he could get out as he took her hand in his and nodded at Jeff to begin, the sounds of sniffling from the guests in the background. 

“Once again, these two stand together before God, family, and friends. Once again, they take each other by the hand. Once again, they exchange their vows to love, honor, and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.” 

Epilogue to come…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks y'all for sticking with me!


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: For some life is hard, for others, down right tragic. But for those who can find happiness and manage to hold onto it, all of the awful things seem worth it. This story is about love and Jensen’s struggle to hold onto it.
> 
> This is an AU, firefighter!Jensen RPF. I chose to cast these actors in my story with full adoration and respect. I mean no harm or disrespect to anyone of them or their families. Please no hate here. Flashbacks are italicized.

The fear of regression would always hang over them, but today, on their second wedding anniversary and the one year anniversary of her remission, he knew they’d be okay. He used that thought now to strengthen himself.

Jensen was sat in his truck in their driveway as he let memories of all the good and happy times they had shared wash over him. Flushing away all thoughts of his incredibly stressful day. 

_“Gen, we’ve got a guy trapped with a punctured lung. I need Joy!”_

_He could hear Genevieve through his radio calling Joy. “I’ve got Jensen on radio for you. He needs you to talk him through a pneumothorax needle decompression. Patient is trapped in a vehicle. I will put you through on the open line.”_

_His radio crackled and Joy’s voice rang through, “Hey, Jen.”_

_“Joy! Thank God! I can’t remember exactly what to do. I need you to-“_

_“It’s ill-advised for you to try, Jen.”_

_“My patient is crashing! His lung is collapsed and he’s not getting out of this car anytime soon!”_

_“Just wait! Kane is 10 minutes out!”_

_“We don’t have 10 minutes! Tell me what to do! Please!”_

_He could hear her taking a calming breath and he knew she would let her training take over._

_“You need a 14 gauge catheter. Do you have one in your kit?”_

_Rummaging could be heard over the line. “Yeah. Yeah, got it.”_

_“Does it have a valve?”_

_“No.”_

_“It’s ok. We can manage. Now disinfect the area. Go for the fifth intercostal space. With steady pressure you should feel the needle pop through. Once he’s able to exhale, clamp the tube over or else the air will go back in.”_

_The line stayed silent as he worked, apart from the noise of the crew around him and the grinding of the Jaws of Life. Jensen’s muttering, “Come on. Come on.” Followed by a loud gasp cut thought the noise._

_“He’s breathing!”_

_“Now, bend the tube and tape it off. Make sure it’s secure and won’t fall out.”_

_“Got it.”_

_The sound of Kane and Murray’s ambulance quickly filled the radio. “Calvary is here. Thank you, Sweetheart. We make a great team!”_

_“Yeah we do. Good call Jen!”_

_“I knew we could do it. I’ll see you in a couple hours. We’ve got to clear the scene. I love you.”_

_“I love you, too.”_

They had saved the man, but the driver and passenger of the other vehicle hadn’t been so lucky. Exhaustion and defeat tore at his soul as he struggled to let it go, long enough to celebrate their anniversary. With one last deep cleansing breath he mustered his composure and headed inside. 

The lights were dim and he could hear faint Jazz music playing as he toed off his boots by the front door. A genuine smile finally graced his face as he found the romantically set table, with his favorite meal hot and waiting for him. As he rounded the corner to the kitchen his smile dimmed as he found the room empty. 

“Honey! I’m home!” He called as he headed toward the bed room. He caught sight of her cane, abandoned in the middle of the floor. Then, he bolted to their bathroom as the sounds of retching echoed through the room. 

Jensen instantly knelt beside his wife, pulling her hair out of her face and rubbing her back. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just let it out. I gotcha.” 

As he continued to console her, his mind spun in circles around the possibilities; she was sick again, a relapse, regression, the cancer is back, please no not again. 

When she finally came up for air, he stood to retrieve a glass of water and a wet wash cloth. 

“We need to call Dr. Collins.” He pulled his phone from his pocket. 

Joy took a sip and held her hand up to halt his actions. “No need.” She rasped. She took another sip to try to clear her throat. “I saw him this morning.” 

Jensen dropped back to his knees beside her, taking in her too pale complexion, dark circles, and just plain exhaustion written in her features. “Are you okay? Of course you’re not. It’s bad. How bad? Its back, isn’t it. What-“ 

“M’not sick, Jen.” She interrupted his panicked rambling, “I’m pregnant.” 

A full minute of silence passed before Jensen’s face lit up in the most beautiful smile. “Really? We’re…” He took her face in his hands, desperately searching her eyes. 

“Yes. About six weeks.” She nodded weakly with a small smile. “Congratulations daddy.” 

The sound of his new name made him surge forward, catching her lips in a searing kiss. His hands finding their way under her shirt, seeking out her non-existent baby bump. “Oh my God! I love you so much!” He then proceeded to assail her belly with kisses and I love yous. 

Joy watched him shower their unborn child with love through tear filled eyes, before suddenly shoving him away to retch in the toilet again. “I love you too, Jen. But you need to shower, the fire house soap smell is making me sick!” 

*Joy* 

Their family and friends were over the moon with the news. Although, it took the threat of violence to keep Kane and Jensen from mother henning her to death. Her relatively easy pregnancy allowed her to continue her regular job from home as the time flew by. 

The morning started the same as the last several weeks. Jensen woke early for his shift, leaving his wife cuddled in her cocoon of blankets and pillows. He whispered his I love yous to her and her fully extended belly. With a kiss to each, he was out the door. 

The baby was due within the next two weeks, so Jim ordered she start her maternity leave and rest up. Joy protested vehemently that it wasn’t necessary, but a very helpful Genevieve reminded her that she’d wish she had taken the time after the baby came. Jensen had never been so grateful for his best friend’s wife. 

Joy spent most of the late morning lazing around in bed, reluctant to leave her beloved maternity pillow. The baby dancing on her bladder finally forced her from her nest. She was washing up her brunch dishes when the contractions started. She made her way to the couch to get comfortable while she timed them. She decided to call Jensen, after a quick look to her packed bag waiting by the door, when the contractions quickly hit five minutes apart. The call went straight to voicemail. Again and again she tried, still no answer. She called Jared next. He was on the same shift. Same result, no answer. She decided to wait through a few more contractions before trying again, to no avail. Frustrated and in pain she called Chris, knowing he and Chad were on duty. 

“Hey kiddo. How’s it go-“ His gruff voice was quickly cut off by Joy’s grunt of pain and panted breaths. 

“I’m...in…labor…” 

“Shit. Where’s Jen?” 

“Not…answering…” 

“We’re on our way. Just breathe.” She was elated to hear the siren through the phone. Chris and Chad would be there soon. 

Chris kept her on the line and coached her through her Lamaze breathing while Chad sped through town. Joy could barely register Chad’s voice over the radio talking to Gen. She heard Gen say the boys were at a fire. 

Chris listened to Joy pant out her counted breaths as he yelled into Chad’s radio for Gen to call Jared to get Jensen to Mercy ASAP. 

Feeling an overwhelming urge to walk around, Joy hoisted herself off of the couch, phone on speaker in hand, and waddled her way into the kitchen. 

She grabbed the kitchen counter and braced herself for another contraction. Letting out a long moan before trying to speak to Chris again. “Hurry…water broke…” She panted as she watched the puddle at her feet grow. 

Less than a minute later, Chris came slamming through the front door calling her name. 

“Kitchen!” 

He found her bent low over the counter, braced on her forearms, panting hard. He scooped her into his arms without hesitation and ran to the ambulance. 

*Jensen* 

Jensen approached the firetruck, yanking his helmet off and wiping the soot and sweat from his face on his sleeve. Smoke still choked the air surrounding the smoldering building. It was a total loss, but thankfully he and Jay were able to get everyone out before the structure collapsed. 

He sat trying to catch his breath while the rest of the crew worked on dousing the remaining flames. Jared came running toward him, phone in hand, distracting him from the scene before him. 

“Jay! What’s wrong?” He stood, meeting his friend’s frantic look. 

“Gen called. You need to get to Mercy, now!” Jared had to yell over the sudden sound of sirens piercing the air. 

“Joy?” 

“She’s in labor! Kane took her in!” 

“Shit.” As Jensen turned around to “borrow” the chief’s car, an ambulance screeched around the corner, stopping him in his tracks. He watched, wide eyed, as the ambulance jumped the curb, spraying grass and mud, and barreled straight for him. It halted heart stopping inches from him. 

Chad’s voice was suddenly filling the void that the now silent siren left behind. “Get in man! Chris has her at L&D. Amell’s giving us a police escort!” 

He left muddy boot prints through the corridor to Labor and Delivery, as he sprinted towards the sound of his wife’s cries. 

A stern faced nurse stopped him before he could get to the proper door. 

“That’s my wife in there.” 

“You can’t go in like that, sir.” She gestured up and down his body. 

Forgetting where he’d just come from, he chanced a look down at himself. His mud and soot covered uniform still in place. A pained moan and Chris’ low soothing murmur had him looking to the door again. “But she needs me.” 

“If you come with me, you can change into some scrubs and clean up a bit in the on-call room. Then you can go in.” Her face softened when she saw the fear and longing in his. “You won’t miss anything, I promise.” 

Sporting the light blue scrubs and pristinely clean hands and face, he finally entered the room, looking more doctor than fireman. Kane was wincing as Joy crushed his hand. 

“About time man.” Relief was evident in Chris’ voice. 

“Sorry. Had to get clean first.” He approached the bed to take his wife’s other hand. He kissed her forehead as her contraction ebbed. 

She flopped back on the bed. Jensen wiped the sweaty hair from her brow. 

“Hi.” She smiled tiredly at him. 

Dr. Samantha Smith entered the room then. “I hear things are moving along quickly in here. How about we get a look at how close we are to the main event.” 

“That’s my cue to leave.” Chris announced as he moved to kiss Joy’s cheek. “You’re doing great, kiddo. I will see y’all soon.” He clapped Jensen on the back and headed to the waiting room. 

“Well, Jensen, if you’d like to climb up behind her and help hold her knees, we can get ready for her to start pushing.” Dr. Smith announced from between Joy’s bent knees. 

Incalculable amounts of blood, sweat, and tears later, Jensen found himself cutting the umbilical cord of his very angry, red faced son. 

“Congratulations you two. He’s perfect.” Dr. Smith tucked the blue bundle into Jensen’s arms, before she returned to finish up with her exhausted patient. 

“Welcome to the world little man.” Tiny identical emerald eyes blinked up in the direction of his daddy’s voice. Jensen ran his finger over the fine blonde baby fuzz of his son’s head as a fierce uprising of love and protectiveness came over him. 

He was completely lost in his son’s presence when he heard a quiet, “Awe Jen.” He followed the sound of her voice and stepped close to the bed. His eyes finally broke away from their baby to meet his wife’s smiling ones, as she placed her hand on his arm. 

“You are so amazing, Joy. Thank you for giving me him.” He bent down, transferring the newborn into his mother’s awaiting arms and kissing her gently. 

They had been completely immersed in their own private bubble while Joy fed their son for the first time, when a nurse poked her head into the room. 

“Sorry to interrupt. But we have the entirety of station 10, half of the police force, a handful of EMTs, and two very anxious grandparents out here wanting to meet the little guy. What would you like me to tell them?” 

Jensen looked to his wife for the answer. And was pleasantly surprised by it. 

“Send them in.” 

“Are you sure?” The nurse asked, “That’s a lot of people.” 

“Yes, please. They are all family.” 

Jensen made sure his wife’s modesty was intact just as the door opened again. His parents entered first followed closely by Jared and Chris, and then the rest. 

Hugs, kisses, congratulations, and gifts were all lavished upon the little family. Jared drug a teddy bear into the room that nearly dwarfed most of the adults. Miniature firefighter and police uniforms were delivered by two smirking chiefs. And Chad walked around the room dispensing blue trimmed cigars. 

“Welcome to the family, little dude.” Chad bent low to talk to the baby in his new grandmother’s arms. 

“So, what are we calling my new gorgeous grandson?” Donna smiled up at her son and daughter-in-law, snuggled together on the hospital bed. 

“Yeah, we can’t keep calling him little dude.” Chad added. “Wait, yeah, I am totally calling him that.” 

Jensen chuckled at their friend’s antics as he nodded to Joy to make the announcement. The room fell silent as they awaited the reveal. 

“We’ve decided to name him after the men who saved my life. My heroes.” She reached out to take their hands as she continued. “Jared Christian Ackles. If it weren’t for you guys I wouldn’t be here. 

He wouldn’t be here. So, thank you.” 

Both men bent down to hug the couple in a group hug, trying to hide their tears. 

Tears wiped and throats cleared, Jensen spoke again, “We’ll call him JC for short.” 

“Jaycee is derived from a Latin word that means to find happiness.” Alan murmured quietly. 

“It’s absolutely perfect.” Donna smiled before kissing the tiny boy. “Happy birthday, JC.” 

FIN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for sticking out with me!! Your time is so greatly appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! The next chapter should be up soon! Feedback is appreciated!


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